Lucky Socks - Part II

The two key aspects of the ritual are: 1) What you eat for breakfast on Sunday; 2) What you wear to watch the game.

In 1995, I ordered a very nice hunter green polo shirt from Packers Pro Shop. I wore that shirt to watch every game from 1995 through 1998—as you well recall, tremendously successful seasons for The Pack. At that time I watched the games at a sports bar in Phoenix that caters to Packer fans—and serves fabulous hamburgers. Over time my shirt acquired at least one grease stain from each and every burger I consumed. By the end of the 1998 season, that shirt was starting to become an embarrassment, so I

de-commissioned it and bought a brand new gold shirt for 1999.

This turned out to be a bad idea. That season was the first one since 1991 in which the Packers didn’t achieve a winning record. I still wonder what might have happened if I had stuck with my trusty old grease-stained green shirt. Would Carolina have won that late fourth quarter victory against us in game #13? I sincerely doubt it. I blame myself to this day.

The pattern was repeated in this millennium. In 2001-2004, I wore another green shirt, which I again had to replace in 2005. Yes, I switched to a gold shirt and the consequence of that poor decision was enduring a long and torturous 4-12 campaign. As they say, those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

Which brings us to the first game of the 2007 season. At my house, we have a pregame breakfast that never varies: hot cakes and sausage. I’m quite sure that our devotion to this menu has brought the Packers good fortune on numerous occasions, with the added bonus that medical researchers at the Johnsonville Institute have shown that sausage is one of the most important food groups for the maintenance of good health and guaranteeing longevity.

Unfortunately, the Friday before the game vs. the Eagles, we got some really bad news. We found out our Irish Setter had to go in right away for a root canal operation. (yes, a root canal, believe it or not). This was traumatic because you always worry when a dog has to go under anesthesia, and because the operation was going to cost $2,400. When I heard that, I needed anesthetic, too.

So, in all this confusion, we forgot to buy the pancake mix and sausage. And then right before kickoff I realized that my lucky green shirt was in the laundry, and the only clean one was the dreaded, jinxed gold shirt. Friends were coming over to watch the game, so I couldn’t wear a dirty, wrinkled shirt.

It was 1999 and 2005 all over again. I had to act quickly to chase away the bad karma. But I had no time! The teams were warming up on the field…The FOX network pregame team had already said their first 5 really inane things of the season…What could I do...?

I rummaged through every bit of Packer logo clothing I owned until I found a solution:

A pair of white socks with the green “G” above the ankle and green and gold on the bottom of the foot. I’ve always thought these socks were a little tacky, so I’d never worn them, but I was desperate, and I put them on right before our guests arrived to watch the game.

You know what happened. A thrilling last second victory for Green Bay against a perennially stubborn foe. Fresh hopes of reclaiming home field advantage. Visions of making the playoffs this season. The world seemed brand new.

I believe I owe all this good fortune to my LUCKY SOCKS. Now I can relax for the remainder of the season because I know that as long as I have these socks on, I have done everything I can to help the Packers win.

(Postscript: my Irish Setter came out of the operation just fine. However, my VISA card will require several months to heal).

Imagine What It Must Be Like...

Imagine what it must be like for a Head Coach in the National Football League, right before a game. Think of all the emotions that run through him, the mixture of excitement and worry, the thrill of leading a group of men into battle versus the nagging concern that, perhaps, you haven’t done everything you could to get your players ready for the game. This is precisely the situation facing the fictional hero of my novel OVER TIME, the Head Coach of the Green Bay Packers, as you will see in the excerpt below.

In this scene, the Packers are about to take the field against a powerful opponent that has beaten them many times before. Green Bay’s Head Coach, Errol “Brick” Denton, is struggling to find the right words to inspire his players to victory. He has a young team this year, untested in battle, but undeniably talented, including a promising rookie quarterback nicknamed “Wildass”.

An Excerpt from the novel, OVER TIME
© 2005 by Brian Hill and Dee Power
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Seventeen minutes before kickoff, seven minutes before they had to go through the tunnel to the field. You could feel the vibrations in the massive cement and steel buttresses of the stadium, caused by the roaring crowd. It was not unlike the frighteningly exhilarating feeling the astronauts get when the giant rockets are engaged, and the tremendous forces are released, carrying them into the unknown. Seven minutes was all the time left for Brick Denton to make a difference in the game.

Suddenly, and totally unexpectedly, all of Denton's pregame uncertainty was gone; he felt completely alert, totally calm, totally in control. For the first time since he had accepted the job of Head Coach, he no longer felt alone. "Gentlemen," he began in a voice that was clear and firm.

"For too many years, we have had to take to this field and compete against two teams simultaneously. No one should have asked that of us. We had to play against the Bears some weeks, the Vikings on others. But we also had to compete against our own formidable team--every week--and all of the championships they won. We had to play a memory--one that got more grandiose over time. We were measured against them, and always fell short. We never had the toughness they did. We were paid too much. We didn't have the desire. We were spoiled, just in it for the money. We didn't try."

Now the players listened to his words. The gum was chewed more slowly. The eyes focused on Denton.

"How could we win, carrying that anvil on our shoulders? On this given Sunday, maybe it's time we threw this weight off, looked at things another way. When we take that field today, the tradition of excellence comes with us. It's our armor, our shield, not a heavy burden. We have won eleven championships: no team can match that. We don't have to exceed what those past teams did. The opponent has to try and exceed it. We already hold the titles. The titles belong to us. The nation is waiting for us to come back, they need us to come back. We play for small town America. We dare to do battle against the titans, the big cities, the rich owners. We play for the uncomplaining fellow who goes to work each day and does his damnedest. He doesn't get the recognition or the glory. He lives all that through us. When you win the championship again...and again...and again--which you are destined to do, I am absolutely certain, they won't just be dancing in the streets here....but in places all over the country that none of us has ever been to. People who couldn't find us on the map want a piece of our glory. We stand for something that people need in their lives.

"The media talk about 'America's Team' all the time. Well, what is America's Team? I will tell you. It is a team that plays natural grass, in front of fans who live and die by that team, who feel physical pain when that team loses; the games are sold out fifty years in advance, for America's Team. These games would not be a once a week amusement, they would be cornerstones of people's pride in their community, in themselves. The players, when they looked around them, would see history in all directions. I surely don’t deserve to be the Coach of America's team, I probably never will, but you damn well deserve to be its players. Harness the power of that greatness, gentlemen, of that tradition. It's here in the building. It's alive. It's not a ghost."

"I feel it, Coach," cried out Wildass, forgetting he was supposed to be a frightened rookie.

"I do, too," echoed in the room.

"Then play that way, men. Don't do it for me. Do it for yourselves. Write your names into the history books. The legends never died, gentlemen. You become the legends when you walk on that field. Our game goes on forever. Our season never ends. We never leave the field."

Denton then looked in each face, as though to impress the message permanently into their minds. Then he turned and opened the locker room door, and pointed the way.

Nobody Knows Anything

This pithy little axiom was coined by Academy Award winning screenwriter William Goldman to describe the motion picture business, where everyone runs around Beverly Hills claiming to know what the next mega-hit movie is going to be, when in fact no one has a clue.

But Mr. Goldman’s observation is equally useful for NFL football fans at this time of year, when seemingly everyone with a word processor publishes their predictions of how teams will finish in the standings. Some of these “experts” in the broadcast and print media are quite confident, even cocky, about their forecasts.

For the past several years, the Packers have not received very much respect from the national media. For Packer fans, reading some of the extremely negative views about the team can cause unpleasant side effects such as irritability at work, elevated blood pressure, and even stomach upset.

I would advise not spending any time whatsoever fretting about what the scribblers and the chatterers in the media think about the Packers. A better strategy is to read their predictions and poke fun at them. Laughter truly is the best medicine.

Here’s an example: ESPN recently placed Green Bay in lowly 24^th place in their 2007 preseason Power Rankings behind powerhouses like the Giants, Redskins, Dolphins and yes, Cardinals.

Remarkably, ESPN says their Power Rankings were the combined effort of seven journalists. Did you know at ESPN they have a special committee of four seasoned broadcasters they call upon when a light bulb needs changing in the studio?

You see, Packer Nation (i.e. The United States), there’s really no need to let these people get to you, because THEY HAVE NO CLUE.

And this bold statement is easy to prove by just going back one year and looking at what they predicted for the 2006 Green Bay Packers. Let’s start with a widely read preseason magazine, Lindy’s Pro Football. On page 101, editor Howard Balzer gazes into his crystal ball-zer and comes out with some very curious predictions.

At least they are honest enough to subtitle their Prediction page “Another Chance to Look Foolish.” Here were Lindy’s predictions for the NFC North in 2006, along with Mr. Balzer’s comments:

(First Place) Chicago – If Rex Grossman stays healthy, this could be a special team.

(Second) Minnesota – Brad Johnson brings stability to a team that needs a hug.

(Third) Detroit - Can Mike Martz work wonders with Jon Kitna and Josh McCown?

(Fourth) Green Bay – It won’t be long until Brett Favre wishes he retired.

And now, for comparison purposes, let’s recall what really happened:

(First) Chicago – With a defense as awesome as the Bears’, who cares if Rex Grossman stays healthy?

(Second) Green Bay – By the end of last season, the rest of the league wished Brett Favre had retired, especially after he ruined the Bears’ New Year’s Eve party.

(Third) Minnesota – Brad Johnson was adding tremendous stability to the bench by the end of the season.

(Fourth) Detroit - The “wonder” was the admirable loyalty of the Lions fans who kept showing up for the games during a dismal 3-13 season.

For something even more irritating than the predictions in Lindy’s, let’s visit FoxSports.com, where a lad name Adam Schein said this was how the NFC North would look in 2006:

“NFC North

1. Bears 10-6
2. Lions 7-9
3. Vikings 7-9
4. Packers 3-13

Packers: I toyed with 2-14 for the Packers. But I just like Greg Jennings and Abdul Hodge too much. Or something like that.”

Wow. Those are some really putrid predictions. He was in effect saying the Packers would be just about the worst team in the league. I especially enjoyed his lucid analysis: “Or something like that.” These guys should at least include a caveat that their predictions have a margin of error of + or – five games.

Nobody Knows Anything Part II

For more chuckles and grins, now let’s see what the "experts" are saying in 2007.

1) Paul Zimmerman (aka Dr. Z) at Sports Illustrated has the order of finish in the NFC North this way: Bears 11-5, Packers 6-10, Vikings 6-10 and Lions 4-12.

East coast-based Dr. Z seldom has anything nice to say about Green Bay. Possibly he’s bothered by the fact he wouldn’t know how to find the city on a map of the United States, even if you let his lovely swimsuit model pal Brooklyn Decker give him a few hints. (We all know that swimsuit models are much smarter than sports scribes). Interestingly, he’s listed as “Senior Writer” of the magazine. Makes you wonder how silly the Junior Writer’s predictions might look.

2) The Sporting News’ NFL Preview magazine has a much clearer view of the future: Bears 9-7, Packers 8-8, Vikings 6-10, Lions 6-10. This makes some sense. The Bears drift backward a bit, and the Packers improve their personnel but finish at .500 again because of their difficult schedule. The point is, the Packers may be closing the gap on Chicago. Sporting News’ bottom line evaluation: “This team will be better than people think because the defense has a chance to be very good and keep the Packers in every game.”

Now that’s some seriously good sports writing!

3) Returning to the dark side, here’s what Seth Doria of sports-central.org says:

Chicago 10-6, Minnesota 7-9, Green Bay 5-11, Detroit 3-13. He also makes the curious statement that the Packers will be the last NFC team to win a game. He also envisions Washington as his “breakout” team. But he doesn’t say whether they will be breaking out in measles, chicken pox, or just easily treatable acne.

4) Don Banks at cnnsi.com believes: “The Packers faced bleak prospects entering last season and wound up overachieving, so you can't rule them out of wild-card competition this year.”

Given some of the gloomy predictions we’ve seen, I guess that not being “ruled out” is a positive thing. Thanks, Mr. Banks!

5) Even Schein sees the light. Remember Adam Schein’s 3-13 prediction for 2006? Well, in 2007 he predicts Green Bay will be 8-8, finishing second in the NFC North. His comments are much more positive as well:

“The Packers play incredibly hard for Coach Mike McCarthy. Green Bay's defense has made a lot of progress, and with A.J. Hawk, Nick Barnett, Aaron Kampman, plus Al Harris and Charles Woodson at cornerback, it won't be pushed around.”

6) Over on msnbc.com, football contributor Bill Williamson wrote one of those “burning questions” columns, which included his answer to the question of whether Green Bay will be a playoff contender:

“No. Overall, the Packers are not an improved team and there is just isn’t enough offensive firepower to go on a big roll. The defense isn’t strong enough to carry Green Bay to the playoffs, either. The Packers will be lucky if they finish .500 again.”

Sorry, but it’s time to douse this guy’s “burning issues” because over at NFL.com, Steve Silverman wrote: “The Packers will be better than you think if ...

The young defense that improved so much last season continues to get better. Kampman leads a bunch of hustlers on the defensive line while the linebackers have game-changing potential thanks to the instinctive Hawk.”

And Associated Press Sports writer Chris Jenkins also says our defense will be the key to success:

“Yes, Brett Favre is back for his 17th NFL season. But if the Green Bay Packers are to improve on last year's 8-8 record and make a surprise return to the playoffs, it will likely be because Favre and the offense have taken a back seat to an underrated, deep defense.”

And in the same story, author Jenkins got Packers Head Coach Mike McCarthy to address the issue of the team’s perceived offensive weakness:

"I'm very comfortable with the ability of our offense to play whatever way we need to play to score points,'' McCarthy said.

Strangely, that almost makes sense.

As I reflect on the dozens of predictions I’ve read for the 2007 NFL season, the lesson I come away with is:

THE MOST TALENTED, INTELLIGENT FOOTBALL WRITERS AND BROADCASTERS TEND TO BE THOSE WHO SAY NICE THINGS ABOUT THE GREEN BAY PACKERS.

It’s really that simple.

The Love of A Rose

Since we have to endure one more game in the exceedingly dull NFL preseason, I thought I’d switch from football to one of my other favorite subjects, and make this a DOG BLOG. (Just a quick editorial note: I think it’s time professional football dispense with the farce of charging fans full price for tickets to preseason games that are essentially practice sessions held at night.)

Anyway on to the story:

Three years ago this week, my dog saved my life. Her name is Rose. I won’t tell you what breed she is, so you can imagine your own beloved dog in her place as I narrate this story. It was early one Sunday morning. My wife and I were working in our back yard installing a new irrigation system. Rose played her usual key supervisory role of lying under a shade tree and watching us as we worked.

My wife went inside to get us iced tea. I continued working, on my hands and knees connecting the irrigation tubing. What I didn’t know is that a few feet from my head, coiled under a grape vine, was a rattlesnake that had somehow crawled through a small crack in the wall. There was never any rattle, never any warning.

I was about to get struck by a deadly snake, possibly in the eye or the throat.

But Rose sprang forward and got between me and the rattlesnake just as it sprang out from under the vine. Rose took the bite for me, and it struck her squarely on the nose. It occurred so quickly, I didn’t realize what happened, until I saw the blood coming out of two puncture wounds on her nose.

Our Vet was not open on Sundays, so we had to rush Rose to an emergency clinic on the other side of town. Her face and neck swelled up horribly as we drove, and she began having trouble breathing. The emergency Vet had to give her 3 full vials of the anti-venom treatment. It wasn’t until 11:30 that night that he told us she was going to live.

The bill for her treatment was $3,500 but I would have gladly paid $35,000—or sold my house and everything in it—to make sure she came back home safe and sound.

Today, she’s fine, and she’s snoozing on a chair in my office as I write this, blissfully unaware that the entire World Wide Web is learning of her heroic exploits. And there’s more to this story.

One year later: we had an elderly neighbor who was suffering from a variety of ailments and had trouble walking. He came out one day and went down his driveway to the mailbox. He somehow lost his balance and tumbled into the street, hitting his head and blacking out.

Rose, sitting on the couch in the front window, saw this. We live in a Midwestern-style tri-level house and both my wife and I were upstairs, at the other end of the house where our “home offices” are. We had no idea what had happened to our neighbor. Construction trucks rumble down our road all day long, and they may not even have seen him in the street before it was too late.

In true “Lassie” fashion, Rose barked hysterically, even banging on the window pane to try to get our attention. There was a special sound to this bark; it was definitely some kind of alarm. We came downstairs, saw Rose indicating the window, and then discovered what had happened across the street.

After our neighbor had recovered from this frightening incident, he told all his friends and relatives about this “wonder dog” across the street that had come to his rescue.

But actually, Rose is just your average awesome canine, the same as many of you have in the room with you right now as you are reading this. Besides being our best friends, I believe dogs were put here to be our guardians, ever ready to protect us from life’s calamities—no matter the danger to themselves.

I wrote a screenplay about the love between dog and man. It has been recognized by several writing competitions, and is now under consideration by several producers in Hollywood. (But at the snail’s pace Hollywood moves, it probably won’t be in the theaters for a long time, possibly even after Brett Favre retires in 2012.)

In the meantime, here’s a bit of dialogue from the script. This scene takes place at a dog park. A Veterinarian is talking to a young man about the difficult grieving process we face when we lose a beloved pet:

Dr. Ray:

"Dogs break our hearts because they leave us much too soon. An era of our lives ends with a beloved dog’s passing, and we grieve not just for the loss of our loyal companion, but because that era will never come back again."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And I give thanks each day that I didn’t lose my “Rose” on that frightening Sunday morning three years ago.

You're A Good Egg, Goodell

This feels strange because I’ve never written a blog entry like this before. I’m breaking new ground, thinking outside the box, pushing the envelope (or is it pushing the box and thinking outside the envelope?).

What is this groundbreaking development?

I’m about to praise an authority figure. Wow. I feel a bit dizzy.

In a lot of my writing, particularly screenplays and novels, I have great fun lampooning corporate greedheads, pompous politicians from both the right and left wing, the rich and fatuous, celebrity goofballs, and anyone else who seems in need of a good verbal shellacking.

But in the spirit of giving credit where credit is due, I’m going to suspend all satirical activities for a few minutes and actually hand out some plaudits to a high-profile public figure.

And a big huge deal authority as figure as well, the Commissioner of the National Football League, Roger Goodell.

I think he’s doing an outstanding job changing the moral tone of the NFL, and bringing a higher level of accountability. His assertion that playing in the NFL is a privilege, not a right—is right on!

Keep up the good work, Mr. Goodell.

The NFL Needs More People Like…

Reggie White.

Another solution to the problem of bad off-the-field behavior in the NFL is to have more on-the-field leadership. We need more players who can serve as role models for their younger teammates, both in the terms of dedication to the game and dedication to being good citizens. In other words, both physical and moral leadership. To paraphrase Vince Lombardi: to do things right all the time, not just once in a while.

With the Green Bay Packers, I’ve seen two prime examples of that: Bart Starr and Reggie White. We all know what Bart Starr accomplished—5 League Championships—and what a great person and great leader he is. But defensive end Reggie White, although he is a Hall of Famer, perhaps never got the credit he deserved for the Packers’ success during the time he played in Green Bay.

Why did the Packers return to glory in the mid-1990’s? Most people would say it due to Ron Wolf’s skill at selecting players, Mike Holmgren’s coaching ability, and having a true winner like Brett Favre at quarterback. All this is true. But I think the key piece to the puzzle was when Reggie White joined the team in 1993. His leadership on defense served to encourage the other players to commit themselves to winning to a degree that had not been seen since the earlier glory years of the 1960’s—and he showed his teammates how to be better people as well. A lesson from his outstanding career is that ferocious play and high character are not mutually exclusive.

I remember a turning point when the Packers started to show signs of championship potential. It was a game in Lambeau Field early in Reggie’s first season with the team. They had stumbled out the gate and faced a critical early season game versus the John Elway-led Denver Broncos. The Packers responded well to the challenge and stormed out to a big lead. But as the game wore on, Elway, the master of comebacks, methodically led the Broncos back. It seemed as though the Packers were going to lose, which would have been a huge blow to a young team trying to find its footing and a path to the playoffs.

Late in the fourth quarter, Reggie more or less took the game over. He made sure the Broncos did not score the winning touchdown. And, for the first time in many years, the Packers did go on to the playoffs. But it was just the beginning of one of the most exciting times Packer fans have ever had, culminating with the championship season of 1996.

And the team has never been quite the same since he left, even though Brett Favre continues to be an outstanding player and leader, and Mike Sherman was certainly a fine head coach (and Mike McCarthy may become one). But in a number of important games, the Packers’ defense has had critical lapses, and sometimes does not play with the same focus and intensity that we saw in the 1990’s. Does anyone think the 4th and 26 debacle in the 2003 Playoff game in Philadelphia would have happened if Reggie White had been on the field?

I don’t think so.

So for the 2007 edition of the Green Bay Packers, the question is, who will be the next Reggie White?

Packer Puzzlement Part I

I’ve been a Packer fan since I was about 8 years old, so one would suppose I should have a good understanding of the game by now. But, on the contrary, there are still a lot of things about the Packers, and pro football in general, that I find baffling. Here is a brief, and by no means exhaustive, list of the things that leave me puzzled, or in some cases hopelessly confused:

1) Practice Doesn’t Make Perfect. NFL teams almost seem to practice year-round these days. In the early spring, they have Teeny Camp, then Tiny Camp in May, then Mini-Camp where they re-learn what they learned in Tiny Camp, then comes the all important Maxi-Camp where they “install” the offense, then of course grueling Mega-Camp where they find out the offense they installed doesn’t work, so they install a new one—and then they head off to Training Camp in July and start all over again.

Given all that intensive practice and planning why do so many teams look disorganized, even clueless, when the first preseason game is played? I went to the Packers first preseason game in San Diego last year, and the offense looked as though they had just seen a football for the very first time that night, and were not sure what to do with the oddly shaped thing. I could picture Aaron Rodgers in the huddle saying, “Okay, guys, the objective is to move toward that goal post down there.” And then the offensive lineman remarking, with a little awe in his voice, “But it seems so far away…we’ll never get there.”

Then we have this year’s first preseason game, against Pittsburgh. Our first team offense netted a whopping 17 yards in its first 12 plays, and ZERO first downs. Note that if you’re 6 feet tall and fall forward 12 times you gain 24 yards.

Just imagine how poor their performance would have been if they hadn’t spent so much time ‘camping’.

2) When History Repeats. Why were the national news media so skeptical when the Packers hired Mike McCarthy as head coach? Seemed like a no-brainer to me. He was Offensive Coordinator for the 49ers, he’s a little pudgy, and his name is Mike. That’s one of the most successful business models the Pack has ever had in a coach. In fact, even if all he had going for him was his first name, history shows he is likely to win approximately 63% of the games he coaches, well above the all-time Packer team average of 56%. Just to be on the safe side, the Packers Executive Committee did a thorough background check on McCarthy to make sure “Mike” wasn’t just a nickname, and his actual first name was Lindy, Forrest, Lisle, Gene or heaven forbid, “Scooter.” Ideally, he’d be named Michael Vincent McCarthy instead of Michael John McCarthy, but we can’t have everything.

3) The Siberia Factor. I can’t tell you how many times I have read Internet posts warning that the Packers are about to return to being the “Siberia” of the NFL, the grim, dark place no really good players, particularly free agents, want to play. This almost seems like one of those nonsensical “Urban Legends.” People posting these dire warnings usually bring up the cold weather in Green Bay, and the small town atmosphere, as being major turn-offs for today’s young pro football players. But they never seem to come up with any evidence that the players themselves feel this way. If weather were any factor at all, then Arizona, Miami and San Diego would field consistently winning teams. But they don’t.

As far as small town atmosphere, you can’t discount the impact of being a friendly, welcoming place to live. As Bob Harlan has said, it’s the warmest cold city in the country. And here’s what first round draft choice Justin Harrell said about Green Bay: “Just riding through the neighborhoods, it looks a lot like home and it’s a place I know I’ll be able to get settled in and have a good time.”

I remember reading a classic story from the 1930’s about Packer players saying how fortunate they were to live and work in Green Bay, where there are so many great outdoor activities to enjoy—hunting, fishing, etc., in contrast to being stuck playing in New York where there was nothin’ to do. But it’s fair to say that players in those days weren’t paid quite enough money to enjoy all the diversions and delights available in the Big Apple.

Packer Puzzlement Part II

A few more things that leave me confused about the NFL:

4) Don’t Show Us The Money. Why does the NFL publish the salaries of every single player and coach? Why is this information any of our business? In the corporate world, they usually guard the salary information like it has serious national security implications. Public companies have to disclose officers’ compensation, but the only public entity in the NFL is the Packers, so all this disclosure of personal finances seems unnecessary.

One of the reasons companies keep employees’ salary info under lock and key is that it prevents petty jealousies or simmering envy from disrupting morale in the workplace. We’ve all seen instances where a player being given a humongous new contract causes discontent with some of the lesser paid players on the team. For example, if Javon Walker hadn’t known what all the other receivers in the league were earning, would he have made those strident demands that the contract he signed (presumably in good faith) be renegotiated? It’s an interesting question.

5) Here’s Teddy…Why do so many people criticize Ted Thompson for not doing, shall we say, scintillating interviews? In other words, he’s rather boring to listen to. I wasn’t aware that being a stand-up comedian was part of the job description for General Manager in the NFL. Maybe we should try that. Billy Crystal would be a natural for GM of one of the New York teams. How about Robin Williams for the Raiders (if you can’t win, just laugh, baby!).

It’s especially impractical to expect Ted to reveal his draft day strategy, or plans for free agency (if any). For a NFL team, these are the equivalent of trade secrets, and talking too much about your intentions just gives a boost to your competitors. You don’t interview the President of Coca-Cola and expect him to tell you the secret formula for the Coke syrup. “You see, it’s that little dash of cinnamon we put in at the end…” Mr. Pepsi is likely to be listening.

Perhaps Packer fans just miss the blunt comments the more outspoken Ron Wolf used to make. But he’s gone, and we have a new era with some terrific new players. So let’s enjoy 2007, and the fact we still live in the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brett.

6) Cyber-Lombardi? It’s funny how Internet posters refer to Packer executives by their initials, as though they are old fraternity brothers of ours, people we’re very familiar with and probably send Christmas cards to. Our Head Coach is “MM,” our General Manager is “TT”. Then we all proceed to contribute our opinions on how we would undoubtedly be much more competent in their jobs than they are. What puzzles me is, where did all of us acquire this in-depth football expertise? Or are we just natural football geniuses? Lucky we didn’t have the Internet in the 1960’s. Woe betide the football “expert” who began his post, “Now, here’s where VL is really screwing up the offense: that play calling is so darned conservative.”

He might have been surprised to see a post later that day: “What the heck are you people writing out there!”

And then just to be on the safe side, he’d unplug his computer from the Internet.

Optimism or ...

Green Bay Packer fans seem to be equally divided about their team’s prospects for the upcoming season, with the optimists and pessimists equally passionate about their point of view. The carryover of enthusiasm from the great finish to the 2006 season is tempered by the reality of the quiet offseason the team had in terms of signing free agents to fill some of the holes in the roster. With these conflicting factors in mind, it’s pretty easy to make a strong case for the Packers returning to the playoffs this season. And an equally solid case for not returning as well.

Some Good Reasons Why the Packers Will Make the Playoffs in 2007

An Electric Atmosphere. Sometime early in the season, probably around game 4 or 5, Brett Favre will break Dan Marino’s record for career touchdown passes. The anticipation leading up to this monumental achievement will be tremendous. It could certainly give an extra jolt of energy to the team, an additional competitive edge. And with the parity in the NFL, any edge helps.

Fresh Legs. Ahman Green was obviously a tremendous performer for the Packers. But age and injuries do take their toll, and he seemed to lose that amazing knack he once had of picking up the tough 1, 2 or 3 yards to make a first down. Maybe the new guys with fresh legs will have that knack, too.

Coaching Continuity. Last year, the Packers had to work a number of first year players into the lineup, were coming off a disastrous 2005 season and had an untested Head Coach. Given all that, an 8-8 finish was certainly satisfactory. All coaches face a learning curve, and Mike McCarthy’s performance in his second year will be better than in his first.

A Defense on the Rise. For the first time in a number of years, the Packers look to have a defense that can shut down opponents and allow Brett and the offense to get back on the field. A tough defense is just what the team needs to re-establish home field advantage.

Tough Opponents Adjusting to New Coaches. Dallas and San Diego have good teams and both of those games will be difficult for the Packers to win. But, they have new Head Coaches. Who knows whether changing coaches will help or hinder those teams?

More to the Difficult Schedule Than Meets the Eye. A football season has many ups and downs, and most teams have to deal with injuries to key players sometime over the course of the season. You don’t know in August whether the team you will be facing in October will be at full strength. Or whether that team might have a letdown after a hard-fought victory the previous week. Or which teams in December will already be looking ahead to next year.

We’re Overdue for a Fast Start. How many years in a row have the Packers started the season 1-4? It seems like forever. One constant in the NFL is that nothing remains constant. Perhaps 2007 is the year the Packers reverse this negative trend of stumbling out of the gate—and losing games at home.

Not Much to Fear in the NFC North. One of the brightest spots last season was the team winning 5 of 6 games in the division. And arguably the brightest spot was hammering the Bears at their home field the last game of the season.

The Grass is Greener Effect. Free agency usually looks better when observed from a distance. When another team signs a marquee name, we all say, “We shoulda signed that guy!!!” But, we tend not to notice a year or two down the line when that signing turned out to be a bust and a serious waste of money. The teams that actively shuttle free agents in and out do not necessarily improve themselves over the course of time.

Time for a Little Trust in Ted. During a game in 2005 in which the Packers were beaten badly, John Madden’s comment about their talent level was: the cupboard is bare. That was accurate. The Packers’ talent pool had been slowly drying up, probably since the 2002 season. We can’t say for sure, but it certainly appears that Ted Thompson has revitalized the Packers with a number of bright young stars. Just to be clear, I’m not advocating that we schedule a “Ted Thompson Appreciation Day” at the stadium just yet.

....Pessimism

But Then Again, Maybe the Playoffs Are Wishful Thinking

Unproven running backs + young offensive line = mediocre running game (at best). If this equation turns out to be the case, then Brett is in for a long season of flinging the ball downfield and hoping someone (in our uniform) runs under it.

The Finish to 2006 Was A Mirage. The only truly impressive performance in the four wins was the last one, versus the Bears. The others were against lackluster opponents to say the least.

Whatever Became of the Tight End Position? When the Packers had their great run in the mid-1990’s the tight end position was a critical part of the offense. Lately, it’s been difficult to tell there actually is a tight end on the field. Oh, wait, he’s the guy who just dropped the pass.

Defense…What’s That? Before we get too excited about the defense, we might recall New England scoring 35 points against us and the Jets putting up 38—both games at Lambeau Field. And if you don’t recall, it’s because you got mad and turned both of those games off before halftime.

No More Lemons Out of Detroit. Similar to the notion that even the visually challenged arboreal rodent occasionally locates nutty nourishment, many experts are predicting that the Detroit Lions are due for a breakout season. Since the Bears are likely to be playoff bound again, there is at most only one other playoff spot open for another NFC North team. The Lions? What a strange world in which we live.

Buried Before the First Autumn Chill. Even the most optimistic Green Bay fans, myself included in that group, have to look at the first five games on the schedule with a certain amount of trepidation. And unfortunately, 1-4 has a familiar ring to it.

Hmmm…10 reasons why the Pack will make the playoffs, and 6 reasons they won’t. The crystal ball appears to be predicting a 10-6 season in 2007.

Sounds good to me.

A Stripped Down Blog

I saw this item posted July 8 on on cnnsi.com’s “Truth & Rumors” page. It was culled from an article by Mark J. Konkol of the Chicago Sun-Times:

Tyna Robertson claims Brian Urlacher, the father of her 2-year-old son, has sent her more than 30 nasty text messages since January. In those messages, he allegedly called her a "hooker" and "jealous b----," among other things, and once made this suggestion: "make one of your pimps drive you around," according to court papers filed Friday in their child custody case. Robertson, a former exotic dancer who has been accused of shaking down men for money, has had court trouble with another famous man she once dated -- "Lord of the Dance" star Michael Flatley.
--------------------------------

So, aspiring writers in Packer Nation, sometimes no embellishment is required of us. In this case, the news story itself provides all the comedy we need to nourish the spirit and bring a smile to the faces or our readers. Packers Literary Corner can take this beautiful summer morning off and head for the golf course.

Y’all enjoy your day. See you at the 19th hole.

…

…

I just can’t do it.

I can’t leave without at least a few comments, or my hands will shake uncontrollably while I’m lining up three-foot putts.

Here’s a text message the Bears celebrated linebacker is alleged to have sent to his ex-stripper ex-sweetie on February 24 at 2:40 PM:

“Beat it no more of my time will be wasted on your skanky ass”

He seems to have reached a state of at least partial enlightenment precisely at 2:40 PM that brisk winter afternoon, though as someone who pens romantic screenplays, I hate to see unpleasantness break out so soon after Valentine’s Day.

Perhaps he just needs some advice on the subtleties of romance. I might suggest Mr. Urlacher read my novel Over Time. In that thrilling tale, the football star falls in love with a very lovely, very sexy—though excessively talkative—cheerleader. This is, as you of course know, the natural order of things in football. And in Over Time, the outcome of the affair is much more felicitous.

Or perhaps it’s just fortunate my novel’s characters from the Green Bay Packers Glory Years of the 1960’s did not have text messaging capability.

Can you imagine the text messages Lombardi would have sent to players who were fumble-prone or missed their blocking assignments?

Say No to Thugs! (a three-part blog series)

“What the heck is going on out there???” the Great Man would say if he were here today commenting on the numerous incidents of National Football League players getting arrested—for all sort of crimes, from DUI, to physical violence to weapons charges. It’s really depressing when you look at the NFL headlines on Web sites like ESPN.com and most of what you find involves reports of players getting in trouble with the law. Sports are supposed to be a pleasant diversion from the ugliness we see in the international news headlines, or the forecasts for the real estate market.

The bright new NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell, obviously wants to solve this problem, and he seems to be trying to get the message across that thug-like behavior won’t be tolerated. But the question is, are the players listening? Clearly, he has a tough task ahead.

Several sportswriters have observed that in reality, all that matters in professional sports is winning, and if you are a talented enough player to help your team win, it doesn’t matter what kind of citizen you are. The teams are willing to give the players any number of second, third or fourth chances, much more than an employee of a company in the “real world” would be allowed. Many corporations, in fact, don’t allow second chances whatsoever.

Packers Literary Corner wants to lend a hand toward making sure the NFL doesn’t end up being the Naughty Felons League. Maybe Mr. Goodell needs a catchy slogan that could be run in advertisements, to remind the owners and coaches (and fans) that integrity in professional sports should be as important as winning. How about:

SAY NO TO THUGS!

One big city newspaper took a look at the incidence of NFL players being arrested and compared it to that of the general population—and found the numbers very similar, almost as though the problem has been blown out of proportion. This is fuzzy logic at best, because NFL players are not part of the “general population.” The correct peer group to compare them to would be:

--Pampered millionaire celebrities who only have to work a few months per year.

And among this group, football players have had a higher incidence of running afoul of the law in the last several years, even if we count every single encounter Paris Hilton has had with the police, and give Mel Gibson double penalty points because of the foul-mouthed things he said to the police officer who arrested him in Malibu.

It’s time the fans let the league know that they want them to get rid of the players who can’t behave like decent citizens.

SAY NO TO THUGS!

Say No to Thugs! Part II: Some solutions for the NFL Players

When a mom and dad notice their kids are turning into porky little chowbuckets, they often try to substitute healthier foods for all the Twinkies, cookies and potato chips the kids are tossing down their throats. Similarly, let’s see where football players get in trouble and recommend alternative, wholesome activities and entertainment for them.

1) Strip clubs. Athletes seem inexorably drawn to these establishments. The attraction is, of course, the varied and exotic creatures you see on display there. And in some strip clubs, they let you observe these creatures up close and personal. In others, you are asked to keep your distance, for safety reasons—yours and hers.

Substitute activity: visiting your local Zoo. Same attraction, actually: interesting animals, exotic habitat. But infinitely more educational, and the municipal Zoo has a much higher class of clientele for you to socialize with. I can’t recall a single incident of a celebrity athlete being arrested at the Zoo. Once or twice, a Zoo visitor might get bitten, but that can obviously happen at strip clubs, too.

Substitute activity 2: take up ballroom dancing. Why just watch others dance around the stage, or the pole, when you can sashay across the floor yourself? And an NFL player’s athletic ability gives him a leg up, so to speak, on the other people taking dancing lessons with him. Just look at how proficient Emmitt Smith became on Dancing with the Stars. Though he’s still no John O’Hurley.

2) Fights and other altercations in bars. Recently, even a Green Bay Packer, if you can believe it, got into trouble for allegedly pushing or shoving a female late one night in a drinking establishment. The alleged shover was starting linebacker Nick Barnett. (To be honest, I was not aware that shoving was considered a crime, especially after the times I have ridden the subway in New York.)

An unfortunate offshoot of this incident is now Packer fans have to listen to the taunts of the Viking fans: “Dude, that was the best tackle Barnett made all year!”

The reason so many athletes have unpleasant experiences in bars is simple: excessive alcohol consumption reduces normally intelligent individuals to a level of thinking just below moronic, and aggressive tendencies that would normally be repressed, from fans and players alike, suddenly emerge. Small-minded people who are envious of the money and fame that accrues to pro athletes sometimes deliberately try to provoke the athlete into an argument. Provoking a football player, who is paid to be aggressive, is never a wise choice. But as with NFL games when the Ref only notices the second person who threw the punch, the athlete often pays the price for a drunken fan’s outburst.

Substitute activity: Learn how to cook. Becoming a skilled chef is a lot of fun, and allows you to entertain your friends at your home, and avoid the bar scene and its associated unpleasant situations altogether. You will have to go out to shop for groceries, but fans you may encounter are unlikely to become belligerent in the produce aisle. For the football player who is single, the grocery store can be an excellent venue to meet eligible females, who will be impressed that you know how to use ingredients like radicchio and broccoli rabe.

Substitute activity 2: watch Political Debates. Take out these aggressive tendencies by yelling at the TV when a politician says something particularly idiotic. Since both major political parties are chock full of nuts these days, the opportunity to vent your frustrations is nearly limitless. You may never feel the need to visit a drinking establishment again.

Or, if you listen to enough political drivel, maybe you will.

Say No to Thugs! Part III: More solutions

In the last part of our series on how NFL players can avoid getting into trouble with various law enforcement agencies, we take a look at causes and solutions for:

3) Weapons violations. Athletes seem to frequently have guns in their vehicles, sometimes several guns, when they are stopped by police. Some even have a cache of unusual and potentially illegal weapons in their home. Is there some reason NFL players feel less safe than the rest of us? I don’t own a gun, for example, and I sleep soundly at night. I have all the home security I need, courtesy of my trusty dogs.

By the way, my dogs love watching NFL football on TV; they run around merrily barking every time Brett Favre throws a touchdown. Oddly, though, when they see a game with Michael Vick playing, they growl at the screen.

Substitute activity: Collecting football memorabilia. If you think about it, hoarding guns may stem simply from an urge to collect interesting things. Nothing sinister at all about that. Ever see anyone get busted by the Feds at an Antiques Roadshow? So, how about filling your house with reminders of the thrilling football days of yore…when they played for the glory of the game, not just for money, and the nosy news media wasn’t watching NFL players’ every move, 12 months a year, hoping to spot them doing something wrong.

4) DUI. A crime that shouldn’t happen, because there’s this useful thing called A Car Service. When you’re out partying, you simply page your car service when you are ready to leave, and they send over a nice sleek Lincoln sedan to take you home, the driver wearing a neatly pressed black suit. It makes no sense that anyone with money, celebrity or not, would be so stupid as to drink and drive. You don’t have to be the brightest cop on the force to be able to spot someone weaving along the empty freeway at 3 AM in a $100,000 sports car.

One theory about why celebrities have such a high incidence of DUI is that they desperately want to be seen driving their $100,000 sports car, so they don’t want anything to do with taking a generic looking limo or hiring a car service. The fact that celebrities crave the fawning attention from their “fans” may be why they spend so much time on the town socializing in the first place. With football players, perhaps they get lonely in the offseason, when they aren’t hearing the thundering cheers from the stadium crowd, or have reporters hanging on their every word in the locker room.

Substitute activity: Grow up.