Now that we’ve all made it through another exciting, exhausting experience of watching the NFL Draft on TV, it’s good to step back, take a deep breath and analyze what we’ve learned.
The first comment Packers Literary Corner would like to make is respectfully submitted to fans who went to the Lambeau Field Atrium to watch the festivities: Perhaps next year they could refrain from booing our General Manager, Ted Thompson. There are several reasons we’d advise this, first being health concerns. Don’t wear yourself out booing the people who are on our side. Conserve your energy for when you will need to boo the loudest: when teams such as the Eagles, Bears and Vikings visit Lambeau Field this fall. Suppose your tickets are behind the opposing team’s bench. You’d hate to not have the strength to tell Rex Grossman what you thought of his performance in the Super Bowl, because you wore yourself out on Draft Day.
Pace yourselves, Packer People. It’s a long season.
Another reason is simple politeness. Most people around the NFL think Ted Thompson is an excellent judge of talent. Lambeau Field is Ted Thompson’s office. Suppose you walked into work and got booed each day. It might cause you to begin sending your resume to other potential employers. The most vocal of the Ted Thompson haters in the chat rooms and message boards might consider the possibility that if he leaves, his replacement could be much worse. The General Manager can only find the players, remember. He can’t teach them to come together and play as a team. Or to hold onto the football. Or to not throw interceptions. Or to not appear like confused roosters when attempting to play pass defense.
Now on to the thing that really amazes me about the NFL Draft, how the television networks, including ESPN and the NFL Network, manage to hire commentators and analysts all of whom have psychic powers. Where do they find such gifted people? I mean, no more than ten seconds after a player is picked, these TV Sports Psychics know whether that player’s career in the NFL will be a success. They can see five, ten years into the future! Not only that, prior to the pick being made, they know who should be picked. And after the pick is made, they know who should have been picked instead of the pick the team made. They know who will be the best players in next year’s Draft before this year’s draft is even concluded. It’s astonishing!
I used to think it was just a Mel Kiper Phenomenon, that his enormous dome of hair was some sort of clever concealment for an enlarged cranium, guarding a brain of truly amazing proportions. No, even the boys slowly going bald, like Chris Berman and Rich Eisen, have these psychic powers as well, as do the women covering the Draft like Suzy Kolber, whose hair styles change more often than the Dolphins switch quarterbacks. It’s not the hair at all. These are just superior beings.
Frankly, these people’s talents are being wasted on something as mundane as the NFL Draft. Mega-brains like these need to be applied to more challenging scientific issues like developing alternative energy sources and combating global warming.
And it ruins things for the fans, when it turns out it really doesn’t matter what we think might happen in the Draft. The TV Sports Psychics have computed all the answers before our primitive, feeble little fan brains can even crank into gear. I guess there is no need to subscribe to all those publications with Pre-Draft information and attempt to make our own predictions of whom the Packers might draft. The TV Sports Psychics know who Ted Thompson will select prior to Ted even knowing himself. And if Ted doesn’t pick who they think he should have picked, he has only himself to blame.
Amazing stuff!
Monday, April 30, 2007
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Movie Review: The Godfather of Green Bay
I have a difficult time choosing movies to rent at my local Blockbuster store. These days, Hollywood seems to be making more and more horror films, and not very imaginative ones at that. I don’t like slasher movies, horror flicks or other films that feature excessive blood, violence and gore. Why bother to pay money for such fare, I’ve decided, when if I’m in the mood for something frightening and gory, I can just pop a tape of last year’s Patriots/Packers game into the VCR, or for that matter the 0-26 debacle versus the Bears at home last season. (Just in case you don’t recall, the Packers proudly achieved the “0” that day).
At my house, we turn the lights down low, bring out the popcorn and sit fearfully by the flickering firelight—sometimes having to hide under our official NFL logo Packer fleece blankets, when we can’t stand to watch chilling scenes from:
The Game When the Defense Never Showed Up (a Bob Sanders production)
The Offense that Couldn’t Score... (a McCarthy/Favre co-production, with casting by Ted Thompson)
Given a choice, though, I much prefer to delve into my Video collection and pull out an action-packed movie set in a steamy, tropical locale:
Miami, Nice!
I also enjoy holiday films the whole family can enjoy, such as that recent New Year’s Eve classic:
A Dog Named Rex (nothing in this one to gross you out, man!).
Today’s Movie Review:
Given this shortage of interesting films at the video store, imagine my delight when I happened upon a DVD titled: The Godfather of Green Bay. And on the cover it showed a rugged Wisconsin-type guy in a gold shirt, and the title was printed in green (sort of a pukey green rather than the beautiful hunter green, but still intriguing).
I’ll skip the usual banalities movie reviewers employ, such as a dull recital of the plot, or weird comparisons to other films (it’s Spiderman meets the Exorcist on Titanic!), and skip right to the highlights:
Numerous scenes at a Packer Bar, with authentic Packer fans drinking real alcohol.
Many stirring renditions of the song, THE BEARS SUCK!
Realistic portrayal of the fashion hazards of deer hunting, such as how ridiculous grown men look in orange jackets.
Lovely Lauren Holly’s portrayal of the tall, THIN blonde we always wished we had known in high school in the Midwest.
The glorious scenery of Northeastern Wisconsin in the fall. The cinematographer involved in this somewhat low-budget movie did a great job filming the outdoor scenes.
A heartwarming ending in which the protagonist, an aspiring stand-up comic, gives up the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles to return to Packerland (and mainly to the lovely tall THIN blonde mentioned earlier).
As they say, Behold the Power of Cheese.
The Packers Literary Corner says, The Godfather of Green Bay is a Must See.
Over Time the Novel
At my house, we turn the lights down low, bring out the popcorn and sit fearfully by the flickering firelight—sometimes having to hide under our official NFL logo Packer fleece blankets, when we can’t stand to watch chilling scenes from:
The Game When the Defense Never Showed Up (a Bob Sanders production)
The Offense that Couldn’t Score... (a McCarthy/Favre co-production, with casting by Ted Thompson)
Given a choice, though, I much prefer to delve into my Video collection and pull out an action-packed movie set in a steamy, tropical locale:
Miami, Nice!
I also enjoy holiday films the whole family can enjoy, such as that recent New Year’s Eve classic:
A Dog Named Rex (nothing in this one to gross you out, man!).
Today’s Movie Review:
Given this shortage of interesting films at the video store, imagine my delight when I happened upon a DVD titled: The Godfather of Green Bay. And on the cover it showed a rugged Wisconsin-type guy in a gold shirt, and the title was printed in green (sort of a pukey green rather than the beautiful hunter green, but still intriguing).
I’ll skip the usual banalities movie reviewers employ, such as a dull recital of the plot, or weird comparisons to other films (it’s Spiderman meets the Exorcist on Titanic!), and skip right to the highlights:
Numerous scenes at a Packer Bar, with authentic Packer fans drinking real alcohol.
Many stirring renditions of the song, THE BEARS SUCK!
Realistic portrayal of the fashion hazards of deer hunting, such as how ridiculous grown men look in orange jackets.
Lovely Lauren Holly’s portrayal of the tall, THIN blonde we always wished we had known in high school in the Midwest.
The glorious scenery of Northeastern Wisconsin in the fall. The cinematographer involved in this somewhat low-budget movie did a great job filming the outdoor scenes.
A heartwarming ending in which the protagonist, an aspiring stand-up comic, gives up the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles to return to Packerland (and mainly to the lovely tall THIN blonde mentioned earlier).
As they say, Behold the Power of Cheese.
The Packers Literary Corner says, The Godfather of Green Bay is a Must See.
Over Time the Novel
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Roadmap to The Playoffs 2007
With the release of the NFL schedule for 2007, a lot of people have taken a crack at predicting how may games the Packers will win this year. My questions is, how can we get to 10 wins? That number is important because a 10-6 record almost always gets you in the playoffs. Last year, because of the relative weakness of the NFC vs. AFC, a nine win season was enough to secure a playoff berth, and the Packers almost made it with their strong finish and 8-8 record. When I first saw the 2007 schedule, I thought getting to 10 wins looked like quite a daunting task.
To me, getting to 10 wins absolutely requires two things:
--Re-establish a formidable home field advantage, which has actually been shaky ever since the Atlanta Falcons came in and beat us at home in the playoff game in the 2002 season, and the problem has snowballed the last three seasons. When the schedule maker gives you four home games out of the first six, you should start at least 4-2, not 2-4.
--No more stumbling through the first five games of the season, as the team has done in 2004, 2005, and 2006.
Looking at the individual games, I’ve circled four on the calendar that I think will tell the tale for 2007, and with the goal of reaching ten wins, the Packers need to:
1) Beat Philadelphia at home in Week 1. If we’re going to re-establish a home field advantage, we might as well get started right away.
2) Beat the Bears at home in Week 5. Here again, the Packers have had some embarrassing performances in recent years in nationally televised night games. What better time to reverse that trend?
3) Win either the game at Denver or the game in Kansas City in weeks 7-8, avoiding a 2-game losing streak.
4) Win at Dallas, traditionally a difficult venue for us.
The other wins in my 10 win scenario are, at home vs. San Diego (could be a very tough game), at home vs. Washington, Minnesota and Oakland, at St. Louis, and the final home game vs. Detroit.
In this scenario, I am allowing for a home loss vs. Carolina, which always plays the Packers tough, and, oddly perhaps, the Thanksgiving game vs. Detroit. The Lions almost always rise up and play a good game that day, and the Packers will have only a four day break between the Carolina game and the one in Detroit.
The other losses would come at NY Giants in Week 2, at Minnesota in Week 4, and at Chicago in Week 15. I’ve heard many people say the Bears will have clinched the division by then and will be “relaxing” before the playoffs begin, but teams only relax the last game of the season after clinching, not the 2nd last game. And the bitter taste of the whupping the Pack game them at home in week 16 last year—and the subsequent whupping that Rex Grossman got in the Chicago media—should be enough motivation for them to bring their “A” game.
To summarize, my scenario is to go 7-1 at home and 3-5 on the road. The games I have down at wins that I’m least confident about are the San Diego game at home, and the game at Dallas, but in each case we will be playing teams with new coaches. And having a new coaching staff always involves some uncertainty when those transitions occur.
Projected losses that could easily turn out to be wins would be the game at New York and the Thanksgiving game at Detroit, and the Carolina game at home.
So there we have it. A 10-6 season is clearly possible. But that’s easy for me to say. The only challenge I face during the games is making sure I don’t leave the brats on the grill too long.
Friday, April 13, 2007
The Nasty Airwaves (The Meaner the Ranting, the Higher the Ratings)
The furor over radio shock jock Don Imus’ nasty remarks about the Rutgers Women’s basketball team reminds us of the larger issue of how rude much of broadcasting has become, particularly political talk and call-in shows of course, but sports are by no means exempt from this pestilence. And it even seeps into sports fan message boards and chat rooms, where the “discussion” often descends into name calling and other unpleasantness, instead of engendering a feeling of camaraderie among the participants or excitement about a given team.
Part of this money driven. Media companies notice the high ratings that sometimes arise from rantings like Imus’ and his ilk, so they seek out other thick-skinned broadcasters to dish out this pollution to listeners, or in some cases they coach the talk show hosts to inject more controversy into the programs.
In my view, life is too short and precious to waste time listening to or watching programs obviously designed to make you angry. Those of us seeking news and information from broadcast channels too often are subjected to opinions or advocacy instead.
There’s even a new kind of journalist, the “media critic,” employed to give his or her opinion on all the other opinion-givers out there in broadcast land. These individuals tend to be cheerleaders for the controversial broadcasters, endorsing personalities that are abrasive or “edgy” and labeling the nice people involved in broadcasting as “boring.”
I like boring sports broadcasters. I like broadcasters who blend into the background and let the game be the story, or are economical with their use of words. I prefer individuals who behave like gentlemen or ladies on the airwaves, broadcasters who have respect for the sensibilities of their audience. I just want to know the score of the game, who won and who lost.
I don’t need windy pontification about the grand social significance of this or that athlete, or this or that sports event. Because there is no grand social significance. It’s just a pastime (which the dictionary defines as: an activity that occupies one’s spare time pleasantly).
Wouldn’t be great if sports—and the people who talk and write about sports--could be fun again?
Or put another way, if it were up to me, there wouldn’t be any Don Imus controversy, because Don Imus wouldn’t have ever been on the air in the first place.
Part of this money driven. Media companies notice the high ratings that sometimes arise from rantings like Imus’ and his ilk, so they seek out other thick-skinned broadcasters to dish out this pollution to listeners, or in some cases they coach the talk show hosts to inject more controversy into the programs.
In my view, life is too short and precious to waste time listening to or watching programs obviously designed to make you angry. Those of us seeking news and information from broadcast channels too often are subjected to opinions or advocacy instead.
There’s even a new kind of journalist, the “media critic,” employed to give his or her opinion on all the other opinion-givers out there in broadcast land. These individuals tend to be cheerleaders for the controversial broadcasters, endorsing personalities that are abrasive or “edgy” and labeling the nice people involved in broadcasting as “boring.”
I like boring sports broadcasters. I like broadcasters who blend into the background and let the game be the story, or are economical with their use of words. I prefer individuals who behave like gentlemen or ladies on the airwaves, broadcasters who have respect for the sensibilities of their audience. I just want to know the score of the game, who won and who lost.
I don’t need windy pontification about the grand social significance of this or that athlete, or this or that sports event. Because there is no grand social significance. It’s just a pastime (which the dictionary defines as: an activity that occupies one’s spare time pleasantly).
Wouldn’t be great if sports—and the people who talk and write about sports--could be fun again?
Or put another way, if it were up to me, there wouldn’t be any Don Imus controversy, because Don Imus wouldn’t have ever been on the air in the first place.
Saturday, March 03, 2007
Positive or Negative: It’s Our Choice
These days, staying positive is more of a challenge than ever. When we go out into the world each day, we are presented with a number of distinct choices:
Smile at people we meet, or frown
Criticize others at work or praise them
Laugh at the vagaries of life, or become angry and bitter from them
Demonstrate patience and grace, or rudeness and selfishness
The choice is ours.
The same is true of the media. They bombard us with negative messages from the time we awaken to the time we fall asleep at night (or try to fall asleep, because we are most likely fretting from all the dreadful things we’ve heard or read about that day). Just look at any of the news Internet sites, cnn.com, msnbc.com, etc. What do you see? In sum total, you find the inescapable conclusion of: We Are Doomed.
Of course, we aren’t doomed. But it takes a lot of mental energy to tune out all the negative things we encounter. It’s never as simple as the old song from the ‘40’s, “Ac-centutate the Positive, E-Liminate the Negative.” We 2007 Americans have to settle for more modest expectations: “Discount the really terrible, tone down the merely horrible.”
So, why is it so hard for writers and broadcasters to say something nice, something hopeful, something positive? They have a choice, don’t they…
On a small scale, I’ve had some experiences with the media that left me with difficult choices to make. When I was out publicizing my book, THE MAKING OF A BESTSELLER, which is about the road writers take to become bestselling authors, I was a guest on many radio programs across the US. One morning I found myself on a station in Minnesota, in the heart of Vikings country. And the host of the program was a HUGE Vikings fan.
This happened to be in the Spring of 2005, right after the Packers had lost two stalwarts on their offensive line to free agency. Things were looking a bit bleak in Packerland.
The portion of the show devoted to my book went along smoothly, then the host noticed in my bio I had written a novel about the Packers, OVER TIME. He immediately pounced:
Bob the Host: “So, Brian, the Pack’s having a rough offseason, eh.”
Brian: “I suppose, but it’s still early in free agency, Bob.”
Bob the Host: “Yah, but we’re signing star players, and you’re losing ‘em right and left. Any chance you’ll switch over and root for the Vikings?”
There, on live radio, I was presented with clear and dangerous choice: say something positive, or something negative. Just think of all the alternatives I had. I could have answered:
“Sure, Bob. The same chance the Vikings will need to build a bigger cabinet to hold all of their Vince Lombardi Trophies.”
“Sure, Bob. The same chance you cheapskates will build a real stadium instead of playing in the Humpty-Dumpty Dome.”
“I don’t know, Bob. I prefer watching NFL-style football.”
“Sure, Bob. The same chance I’ll give up bratwurst for lutefisk.”
But then, I would be just as bad as all the media personalities I’ve been complaining about, wouldn’t I?
So, I took the high road:
Brian: “Well, Bob, I suppose in this crazy world, anything’s possible.”
I was relieved to find out later that Packer fans in the listening audience clearly understood the coded message: NO LIVING WAY, NOT IN THIS GALAXY OR ANTOHER ONE, NOT IN THIS WORLD OR THE NEXT.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Which NFL teams are the most “Literary”?
From time to time during the broadcast of an NFL game you will hear the announcer describe one of the teams as a “storied franchise.” The dictionary tells us the word “storied” means “celebrated or famous in history or story.” In the case of a football team, how would we measure this? Which franchises are the truly “storied” ones?
One reflection of a team having attained “storied” status might be the number of books published on the subject of that team. To get some answers, I visited Amazon.com and did a simple search of their online bookstore, typing in the name of (each NFL team) + football. Using this method, the top-ten most written about, the most “storied,” the most literary NFL teams (out of a total of 32 teams in the league) turn out to be:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
Why are some teams written about so much more than others?
Experience Counts
The Giants, Packers, Bears, Redskins and Browns are all teams that began in the early days of the National Football League. They have the most accumulated history, so it makes sense there would be more good material for writers to draw from. Younger teams, sometimes referred to as “expansion” teams, were far down the rankings. The Carolina Panthers were #28, the Jacksonville Jaguars were in position #30, the Houston Texans #32.
Winning is Everything
The teams that have won the most NFL Championships are the Green Bay Packers (12-time champions), Chicago Bears (9 times) and the New York Giants (6 times). These three teams are all in the top four. The top team in our ranking,
‘Cuz The Publishing Industry is Centered in
The two teams near the
The National Football League is divided into two conferences, National (NFC) and American (AFC). About 60% of the books cited were about NFC teams. Each conference has four divisions of four teams each, designated East, North, South and West, roughly based on geographic location of the teams. The NFC East division, the NFC North and the AFC East each had three of their four teams in the top 10 of the rankings. The fourth ranked division in terms of numbers of books was the AFC North. Interestingly, two-thirds of the books were about teams in the East or North divisions in each conference. This doesn’t necessarily mean that football fans in colder climates read more than those in warmer climes. Remember, the Miami Dolphins are in the AFC East division and the Dallas Cowboys are in the NFC East.
The Power of Numbers
Each year the Harris polling organization does an online survey, released in late September, asking people to name their two favorite pro football teams. In 2005, the results were as follows:
Given the long lead times in book publishing, a writer could plan a book about a team that appears near the top of the Harris poll one year, only to find that by the time the book comes out, the popularity of that team has significantly ebbed.
Some teams do retain a large “core” fan base no matter how well they do on the field. It is a good bet that a well-written book with a fresh perspective on one of these teams would find a ready audience.
Millions of NFL football fans around the globe have found that reading about their favorite team’s history, lore and accomplishments is a great way to spend a crisp autumn afternoon. This is particularly true during times when the current edition of their beloved team is having a losing season. Books help keep the memories of past championship glory alive forever.
Are you ready for some READING?
Monday, January 01, 2007
Meeting Mr. Nitschke
In the 1990’s I used to watch Green Bay Packer games at a great sports bar in Phoenix, Arizona, The Red Onion Lounge. The bar was owned by a family from Wisconsin, and it became one of the most popular gathering spots for Packer fans in Phoenix. To say this bar had “regulars” was a major understatement. The same people were at the bar each Sunday, year after year. In fact, you could reserve your favorite table, and you would see the same faces at the adjacent tables—season after season. Many friendships were formed in the bar; even a romance or two blossomed.
A game I will never forget happened on September 17, 1995, not because of the action on the field, but what occurred in the sports bar. This was a brutally hot summer day, the temperature well over 100 degrees. The bar was packed. It was stuffy and hot in the low-ceilinged room as we waited for the Packers to take the field against the New York Giants. Only the ice cold pitchers of beer kept us alive.
Then, the door to the bar opened and bright sunshine streamed in, the kind that hurts your eyes. We saw a familiar—and formidable--figure in the doorway. It turned out the owners of the bar had invited a special guest to join us.
Ray Nitschke.
What happened next was remarkable enough that I included a fictionalized account of it in my novel OVER TIME. The theme of the novel is that for Packer fans, the Glory Years will never end, and the memories of our favorite games, and favorite players, remain powerful forces in our lives--always. We can draw upon this inspiration whenever we need it, like an everlasting bank account.
A character in my novel, an attorney named Mike Thornton, really needed inspiration that day. He believes he has seriously screwed up at work and is in imminent danger of being fired. He's worried, dejected, and almost ready to give up. So, we’ll pick up the story with Mr. Nitschke appearing in the doorway…
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An Excerpt from the novel, OVER TIME © 2005
He was a man who earned his place in the sun by playing football with an intensity and authority that could be perceived by the fans in the highest rows of the stadium. He came to symbolize the toughness required to be a Green Bay Packer on Vince Lombardi's teams of the 1960's, and remained one of the most beloved of all the players who wore the green and gold, many years after his retirement, and he stayed close to the team through great years, good years, bad years, and awful years. He even kept his name in the local telephone directory so the fans could reach him, should they need him.
In Scottsdale for a celebrity golf tournament, Ray Nitschke had been invited to visit the Central Division Bar & Grill by the owners, two brothers who grew up in Green Bay. The Green Bay Packers were playing their first exhibition game of the season, a night game that was carried on the satellite, which meant that the bar was filled with Packer fans who survived the long spring and summer without football, and the kickoff that evening was welcomed like the first beer on a Friday night after a long week at a dead-end job.
When Ray walked into the bar, there were no introductions required. First there was a ghostly quiet. Then the fans stood and applauded. Perhaps it was his unlikely and memorable appearance: a serious, professorial face on a massive body, or simply the power of enduring excellence, but the bar rocked with cheers, a salute not just to him individually, but to a dynasty of long ago, by eternally thankful fans for whom the football seasons of the 1960’s remained much more alive than a memory.
Even Ray was somewhat taken aback by the instant adulation in the Central Division Bar, though he had felt it many times before.
As Mike reflected on his imminent doom, Ray Nitschke took a seat a table near the front of the room and obliged the fans who wanted his autograph. People went out to their cars and brought back all sorts of strange things for him to sign--game programs, footballs, even winter jackets with the team's logo on it. It was a hot night in August in the desert Southwest, and no one in the bar knew that Ray was coming except the owners. The true sports fan is prepared for all the wonderful possibilities of life.
The game was about to start, and the bar owner asked over the loud speaker to give Ray a round of applause for being gracious enough to give them the autographs and visiting the humble pub to watch the game. This round was louder than the first one, punctuated by a chant of, "Ray, Ray, Ray," which used to occur on crisp autumn Sunday afternoons after he caused a running back to eat the turf, especially one who had briefly entertained the unrealistic intention of scoring on the Green Bay Packers.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As the scene continues, Mike Thornton waits his turn in line and gets Ray’s autograph—even gets to talk to him. After he meets this hero from his youth, he realizes the game of life may not be over after all…and leaves the sports bar with his will to win restored.
A game I will never forget happened on September 17, 1995, not because of the action on the field, but what occurred in the sports bar. This was a brutally hot summer day, the temperature well over 100 degrees. The bar was packed. It was stuffy and hot in the low-ceilinged room as we waited for the Packers to take the field against the New York Giants. Only the ice cold pitchers of beer kept us alive.
Then, the door to the bar opened and bright sunshine streamed in, the kind that hurts your eyes. We saw a familiar—and formidable--figure in the doorway. It turned out the owners of the bar had invited a special guest to join us.
Ray Nitschke.
What happened next was remarkable enough that I included a fictionalized account of it in my novel OVER TIME. The theme of the novel is that for Packer fans, the Glory Years will never end, and the memories of our favorite games, and favorite players, remain powerful forces in our lives--always. We can draw upon this inspiration whenever we need it, like an everlasting bank account.
A character in my novel, an attorney named Mike Thornton, really needed inspiration that day. He believes he has seriously screwed up at work and is in imminent danger of being fired. He's worried, dejected, and almost ready to give up. So, we’ll pick up the story with Mr. Nitschke appearing in the doorway…
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An Excerpt from the novel, OVER TIME © 2005
He was a man who earned his place in the sun by playing football with an intensity and authority that could be perceived by the fans in the highest rows of the stadium. He came to symbolize the toughness required to be a Green Bay Packer on Vince Lombardi's teams of the 1960's, and remained one of the most beloved of all the players who wore the green and gold, many years after his retirement, and he stayed close to the team through great years, good years, bad years, and awful years. He even kept his name in the local telephone directory so the fans could reach him, should they need him.
In Scottsdale for a celebrity golf tournament, Ray Nitschke had been invited to visit the Central Division Bar & Grill by the owners, two brothers who grew up in Green Bay. The Green Bay Packers were playing their first exhibition game of the season, a night game that was carried on the satellite, which meant that the bar was filled with Packer fans who survived the long spring and summer without football, and the kickoff that evening was welcomed like the first beer on a Friday night after a long week at a dead-end job.
When Ray walked into the bar, there were no introductions required. First there was a ghostly quiet. Then the fans stood and applauded. Perhaps it was his unlikely and memorable appearance: a serious, professorial face on a massive body, or simply the power of enduring excellence, but the bar rocked with cheers, a salute not just to him individually, but to a dynasty of long ago, by eternally thankful fans for whom the football seasons of the 1960’s remained much more alive than a memory.
Even Ray was somewhat taken aback by the instant adulation in the Central Division Bar, though he had felt it many times before.
As Mike reflected on his imminent doom, Ray Nitschke took a seat a table near the front of the room and obliged the fans who wanted his autograph. People went out to their cars and brought back all sorts of strange things for him to sign--game programs, footballs, even winter jackets with the team's logo on it. It was a hot night in August in the desert Southwest, and no one in the bar knew that Ray was coming except the owners. The true sports fan is prepared for all the wonderful possibilities of life.
The game was about to start, and the bar owner asked over the loud speaker to give Ray a round of applause for being gracious enough to give them the autographs and visiting the humble pub to watch the game. This round was louder than the first one, punctuated by a chant of, "Ray, Ray, Ray," which used to occur on crisp autumn Sunday afternoons after he caused a running back to eat the turf, especially one who had briefly entertained the unrealistic intention of scoring on the Green Bay Packers.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As the scene continues, Mike Thornton waits his turn in line and gets Ray’s autograph—even gets to talk to him. After he meets this hero from his youth, he realizes the game of life may not be over after all…and leaves the sports bar with his will to win restored.
Friday, December 15, 2006
How To Talk To A Vikings Fan…If You Must
If you are a football enthusiast whose career involves a significant amount of travel, one of the challenges you face is how to keep up with your favorite team while on the road. And how to enjoy the Sunday games when you are far away from those you love:
Your comfy couch
The pantry where your favorite snacks are stored
Your large capacity refrigerator located within 20 feet of said comfy couch.
You can of course sit alone in your hotel room and watch the games, but Green Bay Packers fans tend to be sociable creatures who seek out others of their own kind. And, it seems like those hotel room mini-bars can get depleted so quickly, almost as though the beverages disappear right before your eyes.
Another alternative is to find a sports bar and watch the games there. But, unless you can find one of the enlightened bars that cater specifically to Packer devotees, you may face a sticky diplomatic problem: What do you do if you encounter a Minnesota Vikings fan?
One time I found myself in just this situation. I was visiting one of America’s Great Cities on a Sunday afternoon, getting ready for a book signing event for my novel, OVER TIME, and found a wonderful sports bar with a reputation for excellent food and featuring large screen TVs. The crowd there was a mixture of many different teams’ fans, quite a few from the NFC North. I was sitting at the bar and just about to plunge into a bowl of terrific chili. It had the three necessary ingredients to all great sports bar chili:
1. Lots and lots of cheddar cheese (I always appreciate it when a restaurant tries to make me feel welcome)
2. A generous amount of spice (causes the pale Seahawks fan’s complexion to turn an amusing shade of red)
3. More meat than beans (reducing the possibility of unpleasant fourth quarter emissions from Bears’ fans)
I was just about to plunge into the aromatic bowl when I noticed a menacing purple figure next to me. I looked over and (NO!) it was a Minnesota Vikings fan.
He looked at me at precisely the same time, scrutinized the Green and Gold attire I had on and scowled. After what seemed like a long time, a thought formed in his head and he uttered in a growling voice:
“I hate the Packers and I hate Packer fans.”
Strong words, those. You don’t hear the word “hate” very often in your life—especially directed at you. For a moment, I had that incredulous look of a Malibu cop encountering a liquored-up movie star late at night on the Coast highway. I simply didn’t know what to say. Nothing snappy or clever came to mind.
If this ever happens to you, here are some strategies to defuse a potentially ugly situation:
1) Avert your eyes. Seeing the Vikings colors and garb can bring about an overwhelming urge to giggle. Put another way, if historical Viking explorer Erik the Red had been named Erik the Purple, would he have been such a feared warrior?
2) Never, ever mention the terms “NFL Champions” or “Super Bowl” to a Vikings fan. Alas, the trophy case at Vikings headquarters remains barren, and it would be bad form to remind him of that. Packer people are above such behavior.
3) Maintain the high road. Don’t come back with insults like, “How come your team’s owner’s name sounds like an ineffectual comic strip character?” This will bait him into blurting out, “Well, your owner—“ And you’ll have to interrupt with, “Is 110,000 people from all 50 states.” This will just lead to more unnecessary conflict. After all, when you’re America’s Team, there’s no need to brag.
4) Compliment his city. You might say, “The arts and culture scene in Minneapolis is amazing! You’re so lucky to live there.” He will recall the last visit he made to a downtown strip club, drift off in pleasant remembrance, and probably forget you are even in the room.
5) The ultimate olive branch: say something positive about his team. No, no, I don’t mean a snide remark like, “Way to go, guy! I see the number of your players arrested has dropped 50% this year.” I was thinking of something much friendlier such as, “You must have a helluva offensive line to be able to protect a quarterback as old and brittle as Brad Johnson.”
So, when confronted by the surly Norseman, what did I do that day? I smiled, offered to buy him a beer and said, “I completely respect your opinion.” And then he and I watched as the Packers beat the Vikings.
I’ve always believed that, in the final analysis, actions speak louder than words.
Before I left the bar that afternoon, I gave Mr. Viking Fan an autographed copy of my novel. Surprised, he thanked me and asked, “Is this book about football?”
“The best kind of football,” I replied, as I walked out into the crisp October air.
Your comfy couch
The pantry where your favorite snacks are stored
Your large capacity refrigerator located within 20 feet of said comfy couch.
You can of course sit alone in your hotel room and watch the games, but Green Bay Packers fans tend to be sociable creatures who seek out others of their own kind. And, it seems like those hotel room mini-bars can get depleted so quickly, almost as though the beverages disappear right before your eyes.
Another alternative is to find a sports bar and watch the games there. But, unless you can find one of the enlightened bars that cater specifically to Packer devotees, you may face a sticky diplomatic problem: What do you do if you encounter a Minnesota Vikings fan?
One time I found myself in just this situation. I was visiting one of America’s Great Cities on a Sunday afternoon, getting ready for a book signing event for my novel, OVER TIME, and found a wonderful sports bar with a reputation for excellent food and featuring large screen TVs. The crowd there was a mixture of many different teams’ fans, quite a few from the NFC North. I was sitting at the bar and just about to plunge into a bowl of terrific chili. It had the three necessary ingredients to all great sports bar chili:
1. Lots and lots of cheddar cheese (I always appreciate it when a restaurant tries to make me feel welcome)
2. A generous amount of spice (causes the pale Seahawks fan’s complexion to turn an amusing shade of red)
3. More meat than beans (reducing the possibility of unpleasant fourth quarter emissions from Bears’ fans)
I was just about to plunge into the aromatic bowl when I noticed a menacing purple figure next to me. I looked over and (NO!) it was a Minnesota Vikings fan.
He looked at me at precisely the same time, scrutinized the Green and Gold attire I had on and scowled. After what seemed like a long time, a thought formed in his head and he uttered in a growling voice:
“I hate the Packers and I hate Packer fans.”
Strong words, those. You don’t hear the word “hate” very often in your life—especially directed at you. For a moment, I had that incredulous look of a Malibu cop encountering a liquored-up movie star late at night on the Coast highway. I simply didn’t know what to say. Nothing snappy or clever came to mind.
If this ever happens to you, here are some strategies to defuse a potentially ugly situation:
1) Avert your eyes. Seeing the Vikings colors and garb can bring about an overwhelming urge to giggle. Put another way, if historical Viking explorer Erik the Red had been named Erik the Purple, would he have been such a feared warrior?
2) Never, ever mention the terms “NFL Champions” or “Super Bowl” to a Vikings fan. Alas, the trophy case at Vikings headquarters remains barren, and it would be bad form to remind him of that. Packer people are above such behavior.
3) Maintain the high road. Don’t come back with insults like, “How come your team’s owner’s name sounds like an ineffectual comic strip character?” This will bait him into blurting out, “Well, your owner—“ And you’ll have to interrupt with, “Is 110,000 people from all 50 states.” This will just lead to more unnecessary conflict. After all, when you’re America’s Team, there’s no need to brag.
4) Compliment his city. You might say, “The arts and culture scene in Minneapolis is amazing! You’re so lucky to live there.” He will recall the last visit he made to a downtown strip club, drift off in pleasant remembrance, and probably forget you are even in the room.
5) The ultimate olive branch: say something positive about his team. No, no, I don’t mean a snide remark like, “Way to go, guy! I see the number of your players arrested has dropped 50% this year.” I was thinking of something much friendlier such as, “You must have a helluva offensive line to be able to protect a quarterback as old and brittle as Brad Johnson.”
So, when confronted by the surly Norseman, what did I do that day? I smiled, offered to buy him a beer and said, “I completely respect your opinion.” And then he and I watched as the Packers beat the Vikings.
I’ve always believed that, in the final analysis, actions speak louder than words.
Before I left the bar that afternoon, I gave Mr. Viking Fan an autographed copy of my novel. Surprised, he thanked me and asked, “Is this book about football?”
“The best kind of football,” I replied, as I walked out into the crisp October air.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Imagine what it must be like…
Imagine what it must be like for a Head Coach in the National Football League, right before a game. Think of all the emotions that run through him, the mixture of excitement and worry, the thrill of leading a group of men into battle versus the nagging concern that, perhaps, you haven’t done everything you could to get your players ready for the game. This is precisely the situation facing the fictional hero of my novel OVER TIME, the Head Coach of the Green Bay Packers, as you will see in the excerpt below.
In this scene, the Packers are about to take the field against a powerful opponent that has beaten them many times before. Green Bay’s Head Coach, Errol “Brick” Denton, is struggling to find the right words to inspire his players to victory. He has a young team this year, untested in battle, but undeniably talented, including a promising rookie quarterback nicknamed “Wildass”.
An Excerpt from the novel, OVER TIME
© 2005 by Brian Hill and Dee Power
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Seventeen minutes before kickoff, seven minutes before they had to go through the tunnel to the field. You could feel the vibrations in the massive cement and steel buttresses of the stadium, caused by the roaring crowd. It was not unlike the frighteningly exhilarating feeling the astronauts get when the giant rockets are engaged, and the tremendous forces are released, carrying them into the unknown. Seven minutes was all the time left for Brick Denton to make a difference in the game.
Suddenly, and totally unexpectedly, all of Denton's pregame uncertainty was gone; he felt completely alert, totally calm, totally in control. For the first time since he had accepted the job of Head Coach, he no longer felt alone. "Gentlemen," he began in a voice that was clear and firm.
"For too many years, we have had to take to this field and compete against two teams simultaneously. No one should have asked that of us. We had to play against the Bears some weeks, the Vikings on others. But we also had to compete against our own formidable team--every week--and all of the championships they won. We had to play a memory--one that got more grandiose over time. We were measured against them, and always fell short. We never had the toughness they did. We were paid too much. We didn't have the desire. We were spoiled, just in it for the money. We didn't try."
Now the players listened to his words. The gum was chewed more slowly. The eyes focused on Denton.
"How could we win, carrying that anvil on our shoulders? On this given Sunday, maybe it's time we threw this weight off, looked at things another way. When we take that field today, the tradition of excellence comes with us. It's our armor, our shield, not a heavy burden. We have won eleven championships: no team can match that. We don't have to exceed what those past teams did. The opponent has to try and exceed it. We already hold the titles. The titles belong to us. The nation is waiting for us to come back, they need us to come back. We play for small town America. We dare to do battle against the titans, the big cities, the rich owners. We play for the uncomplaining fellow who goes to work each day and does his damnedest. He doesn't get the recognition or the glory. He lives all that through us. When you win the championship again...and again...and again--which you are destined to do, I am absolutely certain, they won't just be dancing in the streets here....but in places all over the country that none of us has ever been to. People who couldn't find us on the map want a piece of our glory. We stand for something that people need in their lives.
"The media talk about 'America's Team' all the time. Well, what is America's Team? I will tell you. It is a team that plays natural grass, in front of fans who live and die by that team, who feel physical pain when that team loses; the games are sold out fifty years in advance, for America's Team. These games would not be a once a week amusement, they would be cornerstones of people's pride in their community, in themselves. The players, when they looked around them, would see history in all directions. I surely don’t deserve to be the Coach of America's team, I probably never will, but you damn well deserve to be its players. Harness the power of that greatness, gentlemen, of that tradition. It's here in the building. It's alive. It's not a ghost."
"I feel it, Coach," cried out Wildass, forgetting he was supposed to be a frightened rookie.
"I do, too," echoed in the room.
"Then play that way, men. Don't do it for me. Do it for yourselves. Write your names into the history books. The legends never died, gentlemen. You become the legends when you walk on that field. Our game goes on forever. Our season never ends. We never leave the field."
Denton then looked in each face, as though to impress the message permanently into their minds. Then he turned and opened the locker room door, and pointed the way.
In this scene, the Packers are about to take the field against a powerful opponent that has beaten them many times before. Green Bay’s Head Coach, Errol “Brick” Denton, is struggling to find the right words to inspire his players to victory. He has a young team this year, untested in battle, but undeniably talented, including a promising rookie quarterback nicknamed “Wildass”.
An Excerpt from the novel, OVER TIME
© 2005 by Brian Hill and Dee Power
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Seventeen minutes before kickoff, seven minutes before they had to go through the tunnel to the field. You could feel the vibrations in the massive cement and steel buttresses of the stadium, caused by the roaring crowd. It was not unlike the frighteningly exhilarating feeling the astronauts get when the giant rockets are engaged, and the tremendous forces are released, carrying them into the unknown. Seven minutes was all the time left for Brick Denton to make a difference in the game.
Suddenly, and totally unexpectedly, all of Denton's pregame uncertainty was gone; he felt completely alert, totally calm, totally in control. For the first time since he had accepted the job of Head Coach, he no longer felt alone. "Gentlemen," he began in a voice that was clear and firm.
"For too many years, we have had to take to this field and compete against two teams simultaneously. No one should have asked that of us. We had to play against the Bears some weeks, the Vikings on others. But we also had to compete against our own formidable team--every week--and all of the championships they won. We had to play a memory--one that got more grandiose over time. We were measured against them, and always fell short. We never had the toughness they did. We were paid too much. We didn't have the desire. We were spoiled, just in it for the money. We didn't try."
Now the players listened to his words. The gum was chewed more slowly. The eyes focused on Denton.
"How could we win, carrying that anvil on our shoulders? On this given Sunday, maybe it's time we threw this weight off, looked at things another way. When we take that field today, the tradition of excellence comes with us. It's our armor, our shield, not a heavy burden. We have won eleven championships: no team can match that. We don't have to exceed what those past teams did. The opponent has to try and exceed it. We already hold the titles. The titles belong to us. The nation is waiting for us to come back, they need us to come back. We play for small town America. We dare to do battle against the titans, the big cities, the rich owners. We play for the uncomplaining fellow who goes to work each day and does his damnedest. He doesn't get the recognition or the glory. He lives all that through us. When you win the championship again...and again...and again--which you are destined to do, I am absolutely certain, they won't just be dancing in the streets here....but in places all over the country that none of us has ever been to. People who couldn't find us on the map want a piece of our glory. We stand for something that people need in their lives.
"The media talk about 'America's Team' all the time. Well, what is America's Team? I will tell you. It is a team that plays natural grass, in front of fans who live and die by that team, who feel physical pain when that team loses; the games are sold out fifty years in advance, for America's Team. These games would not be a once a week amusement, they would be cornerstones of people's pride in their community, in themselves. The players, when they looked around them, would see history in all directions. I surely don’t deserve to be the Coach of America's team, I probably never will, but you damn well deserve to be its players. Harness the power of that greatness, gentlemen, of that tradition. It's here in the building. It's alive. It's not a ghost."
"I feel it, Coach," cried out Wildass, forgetting he was supposed to be a frightened rookie.
"I do, too," echoed in the room.
"Then play that way, men. Don't do it for me. Do it for yourselves. Write your names into the history books. The legends never died, gentlemen. You become the legends when you walk on that field. Our game goes on forever. Our season never ends. We never leave the field."
Denton then looked in each face, as though to impress the message permanently into their minds. Then he turned and opened the locker room door, and pointed the way.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Coping With A Losing Season
Make no mistake about it: I think the Green Bay Packers will turn their season around and end on a very positive note. But unlike some of the windbags who do sports commentary on TV, I’m willing to concede the slight, even infinitesimal possibility, that I could be wrong. What do I mean by a “windbag”? Well, here’s an example of one, a quote I pulled from Foxsports.com and their NFL Sunday anal-yst Jimmy Johnson:
"Two years ago, Brett Favre would have been too big for Mike McCarthy to control. Now people have grown tired of all his retirement talk and of his 29 interceptions ... I know I am."
Just like the wind, gusts of nonsense like this blow away and are quickly forgotten. Let’s just hit the delete key. And Jimmy’s quote now looks like:
“
“
Much better.
Fortunately, there are some strategies fans can employ to endure--even enjoy-- losing seasons. Because Packer fans don’t have much recent experience with defeat, I researched this topic by calling friends of mine who root for perennially awful teams. They were kind enough to give me some very good ideas on how to keep Sunday suffering to a minimum when your team’s season slides down into the dumpster.
Physical Activity. Do you ever notice how NFL players seem to bounce back quickly from a bad loss, but fans of the teams remain in the dumps all week? The reason is physiological. Vigorous exercise releases chemicals in the brain that produce a feeling of bliss, even euphoria. This allows players to forget about last week’s loss and focus on the upcoming game.
(You remember euphoria…like when Al Harris picked off Hasselback in the playoff game and ran it back for a touchdown.
What a wonderful feeling that was…)
Getting out and exercising, then, is one way to rid the mind of unpleasant thoughts about a bad game. One disclaimer though: Tubby-wubbies who haven’t gotten up off the couch in, say, 25 years or so, should visit their doctor before starting any strenuous exercise. We don’t want to lose loyal fans to sudden heart attacks.
Go to the Movies. Hollywood is suffering from a drop-off in box office receipts lately. This trend is troubling because it means Hollywood studios won’t have enough money to make good movies anymore. (Bad movies are generally much less costly to produce than good ones). Even though it may be difficult to sit through some of the dreary, incomprehensible films being shown today, it’s important we support the fabulous American institution called “the movies” so they will someday be able to afford to bring us better films.
Attend Church on Sunday. Churches are those buildings you see people going in and out of while you’re on your way to the store to buy salami and cheese before kickoff. On Sundays in these buildings they put on several shows they call “services.” Churches usually have rousing music to begin the game, and a Coach who stands up and gives an inspirational message at half-time of the service. The Coach offers forgiveness to those in attendance for all the plays they messed up the previous week. And several lessons are usually read from the playbook. Prayer for the sick is always encouraged, whether you’re talking about an anemic offense, or a defense that has lost its way.
House Cleaning. One friend of mine, when the Pack falls behind by 10 points or more, immediately begins frantic house cleaning. She still pops in and out of the TV room to check on the score, but by keeping busy swinging the mop or broom, she doesn’t have to witness the football carnage in its gruesome entirety. By the end of last season, her house was pretty much spotless. A surgeon could have set up shop in her kitchen and built up a successful practice. In fact, you can walk in her front door on a Sunday evening and immediately tell the Packers went down to defeat that day, by the overpowering scent of Pine-Sol wafting through her house.
Stay Away From Dyspeptic “Chat” Forums on the Internet. I used to think a viable way of getting rid of negative emotions built up during a losing game was to visit football forums and “vent.” I’ve come to the conclusion that this does an individual more harm than good. For one thing, you encounter people on these sites who claim to be so close to the team that they know what’s going on behind the closed doors of the locker room. The information these people provide is generally unreliable, because with a losing team, not even the players themselves understand what’s going on in the locker room. And the coaches surely don’t.
Also, the solutions to the team’s woes offered by the relentlessly negative “posters” on these sites are generally not too practical, taking the form of: “Fire the Coach!” “Fire the GM” “Fire the Players!” “Fire the Groundskeeper!” The rhetoric can get nastier than a board meeting at Hewlett-Packard. And according to some of these chat folks, the only indispensable participants in the Packers' efforts are the people who sell the beer at the stadium.
Travel. Since gas prices are dropping back to reasonable levels, it might be a good idea to re-invent that old pastime, The Sunday Drive. Get in the car right before kickoff and explore our great country for three hours or so. See the vibrant Fall colors. Stop and buy a pumpkin or two. Bring plenty of music CDs so you aren’t tempted to get the game on the car radio. And never, ever, stop at a sports bar for lunch. Packing a tasty picnic lunch and a blanket to spread out in a verdant meadow is a much better idea.
But, as you venture out into nature always remember: Don’t Feed the Bears.
Use Technology to Create Your Own Imaginary World. I have a video collection of 50 or so Packer victories I have taped over the last few years. We used to play these during the long off-season, but it can also work to put one of these in the VCR on Sunday, and pretend that game is today’s game. In the glorious little world of my VCR, the Packers always finish the season 16-0.
Admittedly, this requires a certain suspension of disbelief, like when you see commercials for TV series that were cancelled a long time ago and you only have a dim memory of having seen them. But despite the passage of time, some things do remain constant, such as the remarkable breadth of John Madden’s waistline.
"Two years ago, Brett Favre would have been too big for Mike McCarthy to control. Now people have grown tired of all his retirement talk and of his 29 interceptions ... I know I am."
Just like the wind, gusts of nonsense like this blow away and are quickly forgotten. Let’s just hit the delete key. And Jimmy’s quote now looks like:
“
“
Much better.
Fortunately, there are some strategies fans can employ to endure--even enjoy-- losing seasons. Because Packer fans don’t have much recent experience with defeat, I researched this topic by calling friends of mine who root for perennially awful teams. They were kind enough to give me some very good ideas on how to keep Sunday suffering to a minimum when your team’s season slides down into the dumpster.
Physical Activity. Do you ever notice how NFL players seem to bounce back quickly from a bad loss, but fans of the teams remain in the dumps all week? The reason is physiological. Vigorous exercise releases chemicals in the brain that produce a feeling of bliss, even euphoria. This allows players to forget about last week’s loss and focus on the upcoming game.
(You remember euphoria…like when Al Harris picked off Hasselback in the playoff game and ran it back for a touchdown.
What a wonderful feeling that was…)
Getting out and exercising, then, is one way to rid the mind of unpleasant thoughts about a bad game. One disclaimer though: Tubby-wubbies who haven’t gotten up off the couch in, say, 25 years or so, should visit their doctor before starting any strenuous exercise. We don’t want to lose loyal fans to sudden heart attacks.
Go to the Movies. Hollywood is suffering from a drop-off in box office receipts lately. This trend is troubling because it means Hollywood studios won’t have enough money to make good movies anymore. (Bad movies are generally much less costly to produce than good ones). Even though it may be difficult to sit through some of the dreary, incomprehensible films being shown today, it’s important we support the fabulous American institution called “the movies” so they will someday be able to afford to bring us better films.
Attend Church on Sunday. Churches are those buildings you see people going in and out of while you’re on your way to the store to buy salami and cheese before kickoff. On Sundays in these buildings they put on several shows they call “services.” Churches usually have rousing music to begin the game, and a Coach who stands up and gives an inspirational message at half-time of the service. The Coach offers forgiveness to those in attendance for all the plays they messed up the previous week. And several lessons are usually read from the playbook. Prayer for the sick is always encouraged, whether you’re talking about an anemic offense, or a defense that has lost its way.
House Cleaning. One friend of mine, when the Pack falls behind by 10 points or more, immediately begins frantic house cleaning. She still pops in and out of the TV room to check on the score, but by keeping busy swinging the mop or broom, she doesn’t have to witness the football carnage in its gruesome entirety. By the end of last season, her house was pretty much spotless. A surgeon could have set up shop in her kitchen and built up a successful practice. In fact, you can walk in her front door on a Sunday evening and immediately tell the Packers went down to defeat that day, by the overpowering scent of Pine-Sol wafting through her house.
Stay Away From Dyspeptic “Chat” Forums on the Internet. I used to think a viable way of getting rid of negative emotions built up during a losing game was to visit football forums and “vent.” I’ve come to the conclusion that this does an individual more harm than good. For one thing, you encounter people on these sites who claim to be so close to the team that they know what’s going on behind the closed doors of the locker room. The information these people provide is generally unreliable, because with a losing team, not even the players themselves understand what’s going on in the locker room. And the coaches surely don’t.
Also, the solutions to the team’s woes offered by the relentlessly negative “posters” on these sites are generally not too practical, taking the form of: “Fire the Coach!” “Fire the GM” “Fire the Players!” “Fire the Groundskeeper!” The rhetoric can get nastier than a board meeting at Hewlett-Packard. And according to some of these chat folks, the only indispensable participants in the Packers' efforts are the people who sell the beer at the stadium.
Travel. Since gas prices are dropping back to reasonable levels, it might be a good idea to re-invent that old pastime, The Sunday Drive. Get in the car right before kickoff and explore our great country for three hours or so. See the vibrant Fall colors. Stop and buy a pumpkin or two. Bring plenty of music CDs so you aren’t tempted to get the game on the car radio. And never, ever, stop at a sports bar for lunch. Packing a tasty picnic lunch and a blanket to spread out in a verdant meadow is a much better idea.
But, as you venture out into nature always remember: Don’t Feed the Bears.
Use Technology to Create Your Own Imaginary World. I have a video collection of 50 or so Packer victories I have taped over the last few years. We used to play these during the long off-season, but it can also work to put one of these in the VCR on Sunday, and pretend that game is today’s game. In the glorious little world of my VCR, the Packers always finish the season 16-0.
Admittedly, this requires a certain suspension of disbelief, like when you see commercials for TV series that were cancelled a long time ago and you only have a dim memory of having seen them. But despite the passage of time, some things do remain constant, such as the remarkable breadth of John Madden’s waistline.
Monday, September 11, 2006
Nobody Knows Anything
One of my all-time favorite contemporary writers is William Goldman. He has been vastly successful as a screenwriter, winning two Academy Awards for Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid and All The President’s Men. But he has also written terrific novels, and two of the best non-fiction books about the screenwriting business. These latter two books have educated, inspired and influenced many aspiring screenwriters, myself included.
Mr. Goldman is credited with one of the most succinct and widely quoted statements about Hollywood, “Nobody Knows Anything.” Meaning, it’s wise to be skeptical when you encounter people who proclaim themselves “experts” about what makes a great screenplay, a great book—actually all literary activities.
Mr. Goldman’s axiom certainly applies to pro football as well. The scribes and TV chatterers who predicted gloom and doom for the Green Bay Packers are now, after the team’s weak performance against the Bears, no doubt congratulating themselves on their sagacity. They told us our team would be lousy, and those of us who disagreed with that notion should, these people believe, finally wise up and give up on our team.
Not going to happen, because it’s apparent that this new edition of the Green Bay Packers is infused with youth, speed and athleticism—ingredients that have been sorely lacking for at least four years. It’s the kind of team that can improve every week, and by the end of the season, be remembered as the group that had the will to begin the climb back up toward the top of the mountain—where they keep that trophy we all admire so much.
Packers Literary Corner believes it would be incredibly bad judgment to turn our backs on our team after Game #1.
I have a feeling there will be lots of drama and achievement before the season is done, something chronic naysayers always miss out on.
And as I recall from the early-to-mid 1990’s, as compared to the disappointment of the last four years, the upward climb can be full of thrills and surprises—and is a hell of a lot more fun.
That’s why Brett came back.
Mr. Goldman is credited with one of the most succinct and widely quoted statements about Hollywood, “Nobody Knows Anything.” Meaning, it’s wise to be skeptical when you encounter people who proclaim themselves “experts” about what makes a great screenplay, a great book—actually all literary activities.
Mr. Goldman’s axiom certainly applies to pro football as well. The scribes and TV chatterers who predicted gloom and doom for the Green Bay Packers are now, after the team’s weak performance against the Bears, no doubt congratulating themselves on their sagacity. They told us our team would be lousy, and those of us who disagreed with that notion should, these people believe, finally wise up and give up on our team.
Not going to happen, because it’s apparent that this new edition of the Green Bay Packers is infused with youth, speed and athleticism—ingredients that have been sorely lacking for at least four years. It’s the kind of team that can improve every week, and by the end of the season, be remembered as the group that had the will to begin the climb back up toward the top of the mountain—where they keep that trophy we all admire so much.
Packers Literary Corner believes it would be incredibly bad judgment to turn our backs on our team after Game #1.
I have a feeling there will be lots of drama and achievement before the season is done, something chronic naysayers always miss out on.
And as I recall from the early-to-mid 1990’s, as compared to the disappointment of the last four years, the upward climb can be full of thrills and surprises—and is a hell of a lot more fun.
That’s why Brett came back.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
And Finally The Season Is About to Begin…
The Packers Literary Corner is dedicated to recognizing excellence in print and broadcast football journalism.
After conducting exhaustive, statistically sound research for more than 20 years, involving sampling the opinions of countless hundreds of football fans in various states of intoxication in sports bars throughout the US, and spending thousands of hours reading and listening to everything I could find about the sport of pro football, I reached a startling--but inescapable--conclusion:
THE BRIGHTEST, MOST TALENTED FOOTBALL WRITERS AND BROADCASTERS ARE THOSE WHO SAY NICE THINGS ABOUT THE GREEN BAY PACKERS.
Unfortunately, a corollary conclusion from my research revealed that the people who are the most negative about the Packers tend to have seriously enfeebled minds.
Today we will present both kinds of writing to you:
KUDOS and CONGRATULATIONS GO TO a citizen/journalist named Felipe from New Canaan, Connecticut, as quoted in Peter King’s Internet column of Tuesday, September 5:
"I know the Packers did horribly last year and so expectations should be much lower. But I don't understand why we are counted out by every expert. We had the No. 7 defense last year and it improved during the offseason. We have our top two running backs back, which should lead to Brett Favre throwing less and making fewer interceptions.”
You can see the letter to Mr. King in full at:
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2006/writers/peter_king/09/05/mailbag/1.html
This was fine, fine literary work.
--Thoughtful
--Reasonable
--Clear
--Positive
--Polite. The writer could have begun with a personal attack such as, "Your predictions for the Packers suck." But, of course, Packer People don't behave that way. Instead, he graciously conferred the status of "expert" on Mr. King, to whom he sent the letter.
Now let’s turn our attention to a benighted lad named Adam Schein at FOXSports.com, who attempted to write a column about predictions for the upcoming season. The attempt failed.
You can read it in its dismal entirety at: http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/5934082
Here’s what he predicted for the NFC North teams:
“NFC North
1. Bears 10-6
2. Lions 7-9
3. Vikings 7-9
4. Packers 3-13
Packers: I toyed with 2-14 for the Packers.
But I just like Greg Jennings and Abdul Hodge too much.
Or something like that.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WOW. This is breathtaking in its absurdity. Packers Literary Corner has difficulty understanding how a sentient being could bring himself to publish something this foolish.
Then I noticed the picture of Mr. Schein at the top of the column. He appears to be about 12 years old. So this again shows why it can be dangerous to turn children loose on word processors.
He might take note that discerning readers generally demand more rigorous analysis than, “Or something like that,” to back up outlandish conclusions.
Luckily, writers generally gain wisdom and maturity as the years go by. To be fair, in 15 years or so we my take a look at Adam’s work again, to see if he has made progress toward lucidity. Based on his work quoted here, noticeable progress may take the full 15.
After conducting exhaustive, statistically sound research for more than 20 years, involving sampling the opinions of countless hundreds of football fans in various states of intoxication in sports bars throughout the US, and spending thousands of hours reading and listening to everything I could find about the sport of pro football, I reached a startling--but inescapable--conclusion:
THE BRIGHTEST, MOST TALENTED FOOTBALL WRITERS AND BROADCASTERS ARE THOSE WHO SAY NICE THINGS ABOUT THE GREEN BAY PACKERS.
Unfortunately, a corollary conclusion from my research revealed that the people who are the most negative about the Packers tend to have seriously enfeebled minds.
Today we will present both kinds of writing to you:
KUDOS and CONGRATULATIONS GO TO a citizen/journalist named Felipe from New Canaan, Connecticut, as quoted in Peter King’s Internet column of Tuesday, September 5:
"I know the Packers did horribly last year and so expectations should be much lower. But I don't understand why we are counted out by every expert. We had the No. 7 defense last year and it improved during the offseason. We have our top two running backs back, which should lead to Brett Favre throwing less and making fewer interceptions.”
You can see the letter to Mr. King in full at:
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2006/writers/peter_king/09/05/mailbag/1.html
This was fine, fine literary work.
--Thoughtful
--Reasonable
--Clear
--Positive
--Polite. The writer could have begun with a personal attack such as, "Your predictions for the Packers suck." But, of course, Packer People don't behave that way. Instead, he graciously conferred the status of "expert" on Mr. King, to whom he sent the letter.
Now let’s turn our attention to a benighted lad named Adam Schein at FOXSports.com, who attempted to write a column about predictions for the upcoming season. The attempt failed.
You can read it in its dismal entirety at: http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/5934082
Here’s what he predicted for the NFC North teams:
“NFC North
1. Bears 10-6
2. Lions 7-9
3. Vikings 7-9
4. Packers 3-13
Packers: I toyed with 2-14 for the Packers.
But I just like Greg Jennings and Abdul Hodge too much.
Or something like that.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WOW. This is breathtaking in its absurdity. Packers Literary Corner has difficulty understanding how a sentient being could bring himself to publish something this foolish.
Then I noticed the picture of Mr. Schein at the top of the column. He appears to be about 12 years old. So this again shows why it can be dangerous to turn children loose on word processors.
He might take note that discerning readers generally demand more rigorous analysis than, “Or something like that,” to back up outlandish conclusions.
Luckily, writers generally gain wisdom and maturity as the years go by. To be fair, in 15 years or so we my take a look at Adam’s work again, to see if he has made progress toward lucidity. Based on his work quoted here, noticeable progress may take the full 15.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
In Praise of San Diego: My Favorite Road Game Experience
Obviously, no football experience can compare to watching the Green Bay Packers play at Lambeau Field, but I feel a moral obligation to support our team when it is playing on the road as well. This preseason, Packers Literary Corner attended a game on August 12 in San Diego. My decision to go to this game had nothing to do with the perfect weather, fabulous beaches, great restaurants and attractions like Sea World. I would have gone to Miami and watched a game as well. Sacrifices sometimes have to be made if you want to be known as a true-blue Packer backer.
When planning a trip to a road game venue, a certain amount of caution must be taken, because some of the opposing teams’ stadiums can be hostile toward visitors with foam rubber cheese as their signature fashion statement. It used to be great fun to attend a game at the resort and retirement community of Tampa Bay, for instance, and on several occasions Packer fans seemed to occupy at least half the seats in the stadium. Now, I have heard, the Buccaneers try to limit the number of tickets sold to Packer fans, and generally create a more hostile atmosphere for us should we go to a game there. And it can be quite unpleasant exiting the stadium in your Favre jersey and have hordes of cranky retirees spitting Dentu-crème and hurling epithets from the 1950’s at you.
Of course, after a few years on the job, the Buccaneers’ head coaches find that Tampa Bay is a hostile place for them as well. So I guess they treat everyone equally there.
Sometimes the problem is that road cities don’t seem to understand what it means to have thousands of Packer fans invade their town, all fired up about the game. One time I stayed in a hotel where Packer Fan Tours had booked most of the rooms. The hotel’s marketing department was not aware that Packer fans change into their game clothes immediately upon checking in—even if the game is two days away. In the hotel’s outdoor atrium, a large wedding was booked for that afternoon. One of the lasting memories the bride and groom have of the big event, preserved forever on video, is the sight of a small army of green jerseys and yellow cheese hats parading through their wedding on the way out the hotel.
Visiting San Diego is an entirely different matter. I can heartily endorse the experience of attending a Packers-Chargers game, even in the case of the preseason game I went to, a night game. (What I’m trying to politely say here is: NFL NIGHT GAMES USUSALLY = MANY, MANY OBNOXIOUS DRUNKS).
Perhaps it’s the Southern California tendency to be self-involved, but the Chargers fans didn’t seem to care Packer fans were there. They were actually, dare I say, NICE. I would say the Packer fan contingent numbered about 10% of the crowd that night. And since Packer fans are 10 times as enthusiastic as other fans, the decibel level of cheering ended up about even. Here are some highlights of my great weekend:
The Chargers management did their best to create an exciting, regular season feel to the game. For example, they charged us a robust regular season price of $79 per ticket for essentially about $12.50 worth of entertainment provided by mostly third-string players of both teams.
I did a rough count and discovered the Chargers have more cheerleaders than defensive players. They might want to consider flipping those numbers if they want stop the Denver Broncos’ offense. Unless they’ve discovered Jake Plummer has an unnatural fear of pom-poms.
There was an incredible patriotic display of America’s military might before the game including paratroopers being dropped from high above the stadium and landing on the field, one carrying an American flag. This gave Packers’ Head Coach Mike McCarthy the clever idea to ask if he could have a new offensive line parachuted in at half-time, but he found out it was against league rules.
The San Diego people are ever mindful, and protective of, the delicate marine environment of the Pacific Ocean. To keep environmentalism, and endangered species, in the forefront, they even changed the name of their stadium from Jack Murphy Stadium to qualcomm. I inquired and was told that qualcomm is the sound the protected California Golden Seal makes when it burps.
A marvelous trolley system, with clean, comfortable seats, shuttles fans right from the stadium gates all the way back into town. No nightmare of trying to exit the stadium and get onto the freeway, sitting in traffic for hours, getting lost and dangerously thirsty. From the time I left my stadium seat, it only took 20 minutes to get onto the trolley, travel to my hotel and find a seat in the bar. I believe that is a road game record.
Good job, San Diego! See you again soon.
When planning a trip to a road game venue, a certain amount of caution must be taken, because some of the opposing teams’ stadiums can be hostile toward visitors with foam rubber cheese as their signature fashion statement. It used to be great fun to attend a game at the resort and retirement community of Tampa Bay, for instance, and on several occasions Packer fans seemed to occupy at least half the seats in the stadium. Now, I have heard, the Buccaneers try to limit the number of tickets sold to Packer fans, and generally create a more hostile atmosphere for us should we go to a game there. And it can be quite unpleasant exiting the stadium in your Favre jersey and have hordes of cranky retirees spitting Dentu-crème and hurling epithets from the 1950’s at you.
Of course, after a few years on the job, the Buccaneers’ head coaches find that Tampa Bay is a hostile place for them as well. So I guess they treat everyone equally there.
Sometimes the problem is that road cities don’t seem to understand what it means to have thousands of Packer fans invade their town, all fired up about the game. One time I stayed in a hotel where Packer Fan Tours had booked most of the rooms. The hotel’s marketing department was not aware that Packer fans change into their game clothes immediately upon checking in—even if the game is two days away. In the hotel’s outdoor atrium, a large wedding was booked for that afternoon. One of the lasting memories the bride and groom have of the big event, preserved forever on video, is the sight of a small army of green jerseys and yellow cheese hats parading through their wedding on the way out the hotel.
Visiting San Diego is an entirely different matter. I can heartily endorse the experience of attending a Packers-Chargers game, even in the case of the preseason game I went to, a night game. (What I’m trying to politely say here is: NFL NIGHT GAMES USUSALLY = MANY, MANY OBNOXIOUS DRUNKS).
Perhaps it’s the Southern California tendency to be self-involved, but the Chargers fans didn’t seem to care Packer fans were there. They were actually, dare I say, NICE. I would say the Packer fan contingent numbered about 10% of the crowd that night. And since Packer fans are 10 times as enthusiastic as other fans, the decibel level of cheering ended up about even. Here are some highlights of my great weekend:
The Chargers management did their best to create an exciting, regular season feel to the game. For example, they charged us a robust regular season price of $79 per ticket for essentially about $12.50 worth of entertainment provided by mostly third-string players of both teams.
I did a rough count and discovered the Chargers have more cheerleaders than defensive players. They might want to consider flipping those numbers if they want stop the Denver Broncos’ offense. Unless they’ve discovered Jake Plummer has an unnatural fear of pom-poms.
There was an incredible patriotic display of America’s military might before the game including paratroopers being dropped from high above the stadium and landing on the field, one carrying an American flag. This gave Packers’ Head Coach Mike McCarthy the clever idea to ask if he could have a new offensive line parachuted in at half-time, but he found out it was against league rules.
The San Diego people are ever mindful, and protective of, the delicate marine environment of the Pacific Ocean. To keep environmentalism, and endangered species, in the forefront, they even changed the name of their stadium from Jack Murphy Stadium to qualcomm. I inquired and was told that qualcomm is the sound the protected California Golden Seal makes when it burps.
A marvelous trolley system, with clean, comfortable seats, shuttles fans right from the stadium gates all the way back into town. No nightmare of trying to exit the stadium and get onto the freeway, sitting in traffic for hours, getting lost and dangerously thirsty. From the time I left my stadium seat, it only took 20 minutes to get onto the trolley, travel to my hotel and find a seat in the bar. I believe that is a road game record.
Good job, San Diego! See you again soon.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Avoiding Noxious Negativity
After watching the Packers lose to the Bengals last Monday night, I reached the conclusion that it’s going to be a long, long season…
For Packer fans? No. The Pack will be in the playoffs of course. I mean for those of us who used to enjoy watching football on Monday nights. Because the trend toward unpleasantness in the broadcast booth has reached a new low with the new team on ESPN.
To illustrate what I’m talking about here, let’s go back in time…
When I was a boy two of the most popular sports journalists on TV were Jim McKay and Chris Schenkel. To this day, I admire the way both of these men kept in mind that they were there to provide information that the viewer could not obtain from the pictures—TV was a visual medium, not a talky one. Just as importantly, Mr. McKay and Mr. Schenkel seldom, if ever, crossed the line of behaving as though they were the stars of the program. They, and their producers, knew that the viewers tuned in to see the games, to see the athletes—not the broadcasters. And most of the broadcasters of that era, at least on camera, behaved like GENTLEMEN. What a concept…
More recently, Keith Jackson is a football announcer who employed this pleasant and informative style. But unfortunately he is now retired.
In the early 1970’s, when Monday Night Football debuted on ABC, we saw a very different style of broadcast emerge: football announcers who couldn’t wait to share their opinions with the audience, whether or not the audience was interested in these opinions, and whether or not the opinion they happened to express had anything to do with the action on the field. I tended to cut Howard Cosell, annoying though he was, some slack because at least he did teach young writers new vocabulary words such as, “veritable plethora.” Although this is the first time I have actually used “veritable plethora” in a sentence.
The incredible popularity of Monday Night Football led TV executives to believe this was the style of broadcast the audience wanted, when in fact the incredible popularity was due simply to the fact that the popularity of NFL Football was soaring, and the ABC network happened to have the only game on Monday Night. THE GAME’S THE THING!
So, this season our poor ears and minds must endure the Monday night pairing of Tony Kornheiser and Joe Theismannn.
Provide Information has now disintegrated to:
Argue, Criticize, Belittle, Distract, and Irritate—And Argue Some More.
The Packers Literary Corner has come up with a term for this style of broadcast journalism: Noxious Negativity. It involves distasteful rhetoric about nonexistent controversy and stirring up the audience with imaginary conflict.
And of course we need the announcers tell us what we should think about what we are watching. We, the dumb-dumbs in the audience, can’t be expected to form any views of our own. And shame on us if we are looking forward to watching our Green Bay Packers this season, because these “experts” have all but declared our team hopeless before the season even kicks off. And if they tell us something, it must be so.
I first noticed this Kornheiser fellow when he was on a rude little two-man debate show, “Pardon This Flatulence,” or something like that. This program apparently was patterned from the political screeching on The McLaughlin Group, except they forgot to have a McLaughlin on the program to tell them when it was time to shut the hell up. Must have been budgetary constraints.
Joe Theismann, as you know, has been one of the most irritating broadcasters for years. He obviously harbors some deep personal malice toward the Green and Gold.
At my house, we’ve tried everything to not have to listen to Theismann when he is covering Packer games. We’ve turned the sound completely off. We’ve played operatic tenor Andrea Bocelli full blast on the stereo (You might try that sometime. Bocelli’s incredible voice seems to add additional drama to the games).
We’ve even tried Turning the Game Off. But then the bad guys win and we don’t get to see our team. In desperation we’ve even tried: Encouraging our Dogs To Howl.
The problem with these strategies is, you miss something when you can’t hear the crowd noise at the games.
The season is nigh...So what do we do about this verbal pestilence?
I got an idea from watching a commercial for DIRECTV’s NFL Sunday Ticket package, the one where you can watch all the NFL Games, but apparently you have to like Peyton Manning. Anyway, they have added great new features to this package this year, new technologies allowing us to spend even more than the normal 40 hours per week watching football. Perhaps they could help us with several other bells and whistles. How about:
For Packer fans? No. The Pack will be in the playoffs of course. I mean for those of us who used to enjoy watching football on Monday nights. Because the trend toward unpleasantness in the broadcast booth has reached a new low with the new team on ESPN.
To illustrate what I’m talking about here, let’s go back in time…
When I was a boy two of the most popular sports journalists on TV were Jim McKay and Chris Schenkel. To this day, I admire the way both of these men kept in mind that they were there to provide information that the viewer could not obtain from the pictures—TV was a visual medium, not a talky one. Just as importantly, Mr. McKay and Mr. Schenkel seldom, if ever, crossed the line of behaving as though they were the stars of the program. They, and their producers, knew that the viewers tuned in to see the games, to see the athletes—not the broadcasters. And most of the broadcasters of that era, at least on camera, behaved like GENTLEMEN. What a concept…
More recently, Keith Jackson is a football announcer who employed this pleasant and informative style. But unfortunately he is now retired.
In the early 1970’s, when Monday Night Football debuted on ABC, we saw a very different style of broadcast emerge: football announcers who couldn’t wait to share their opinions with the audience, whether or not the audience was interested in these opinions, and whether or not the opinion they happened to express had anything to do with the action on the field. I tended to cut Howard Cosell, annoying though he was, some slack because at least he did teach young writers new vocabulary words such as, “veritable plethora.” Although this is the first time I have actually used “veritable plethora” in a sentence.
The incredible popularity of Monday Night Football led TV executives to believe this was the style of broadcast the audience wanted, when in fact the incredible popularity was due simply to the fact that the popularity of NFL Football was soaring, and the ABC network happened to have the only game on Monday Night. THE GAME’S THE THING!
So, this season our poor ears and minds must endure the Monday night pairing of Tony Kornheiser and Joe Theismannn.
Provide Information has now disintegrated to:
Argue, Criticize, Belittle, Distract, and Irritate—And Argue Some More.
The Packers Literary Corner has come up with a term for this style of broadcast journalism: Noxious Negativity. It involves distasteful rhetoric about nonexistent controversy and stirring up the audience with imaginary conflict.
And of course we need the announcers tell us what we should think about what we are watching. We, the dumb-dumbs in the audience, can’t be expected to form any views of our own. And shame on us if we are looking forward to watching our Green Bay Packers this season, because these “experts” have all but declared our team hopeless before the season even kicks off. And if they tell us something, it must be so.
I first noticed this Kornheiser fellow when he was on a rude little two-man debate show, “Pardon This Flatulence,” or something like that. This program apparently was patterned from the political screeching on The McLaughlin Group, except they forgot to have a McLaughlin on the program to tell them when it was time to shut the hell up. Must have been budgetary constraints.
Joe Theismann, as you know, has been one of the most irritating broadcasters for years. He obviously harbors some deep personal malice toward the Green and Gold.
At my house, we’ve tried everything to not have to listen to Theismann when he is covering Packer games. We’ve turned the sound completely off. We’ve played operatic tenor Andrea Bocelli full blast on the stereo (You might try that sometime. Bocelli’s incredible voice seems to add additional drama to the games).
We’ve even tried Turning the Game Off. But then the bad guys win and we don’t get to see our team. In desperation we’ve even tried: Encouraging our Dogs To Howl.
The problem with these strategies is, you miss something when you can’t hear the crowd noise at the games.
The season is nigh...So what do we do about this verbal pestilence?
I got an idea from watching a commercial for DIRECTV’s NFL Sunday Ticket package, the one where you can watch all the NFL Games, but apparently you have to like Peyton Manning. Anyway, they have added great new features to this package this year, new technologies allowing us to spend even more than the normal 40 hours per week watching football. Perhaps they could help us with several other bells and whistles. How about:
SELECTIVE MUTE. With our remote, we could click on a menu with these choices:
Mute Kornheiser
Mute Theismann
Mute Both
Then, we could still enjoy the stadium sounds without unnecessary noise pollution, or potential aggravation. It would sound as though genial Mike Tirico is there calling the game by himself, which is fine with me. The drawback to this is that we still have to look at their faces, and when their lips move, we just know they’re saying something nasty about the Packers. So again, technology comes to our aid:
IMAGE SUBSTITUTION. Again, with our remote, we can elect to replace the mugs of Kornheiser and Theismann with something more interesting:
Bart Starr scoring the winning touchdown in the Ice Bowl
The splendor of Autumn leaves along the Fox River
Javon Walker cleaning out his locker at Lambeau Field
Brett Favre mowing his lawn in Mississippi in the offseason
Heck, I’d settle for a picture of Dick Butkus. Anything that would spare us from a season of the sounds and images that add up to Noxious Negativity.
With these simple technical advancements, enjoyment of the Monday Night games on ESPN could be greatly enhanced. So let’s get going there, programming wizards at DIRECTV. I would cheerfully pay an additional $25 per month for these features.
And suppose you see Joe Theismann in the airport the day after a game. You can say, “Really enjoyed your broadcast last night, Joe!”—and be telling the truth. Then he’ll take out a pocket mirror, admire himself for a moment, and say, “Thanks! Keep watching.”
And we will.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Now That's More Like It!
Today I want to tell you about a wonderful article I came across in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution Web site, written by D. Orlando Ledbetter.
You can read it in its entirety at:
http://www.ajc.com/sports/content/sports/falcons/stories/0709nflinsider.html
Let me share the first part of the article with you:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How the Packers can make the playoffs
By D. Orlando Ledbetter
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Published on: 07/09/06
With Carolina, Seattle and Tampa Bay attracting early attention as the top teams in the NFC, Green Bay needs a few things to happen for them to become relevant again — the return of Brett Favre was central to any title aspirations. An injury-plagued 4-12 season led to the departure of Mike Sherman and the hiring of Mike McCarthy.
"I'm glad for Mike (McCarthy) that Brett is coming back," NFL Network analyst Steve Mariucci said. "They signed Charles Woodson. They lost some players, but anytime that you've got No. 4 taking snaps you're going to have a chance."
Here's a look at 10 things that must go right for the Green Bay Packers to reach the playoffs.
1. The return of Favre
(article continues)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Packers Literary Corner wishes to congratulate Mr. Ledbetter for all he accomplished in just these mere 128 words. If he keeps this kind of terrific writing going throughout the 2006 season, he will certainly be one of the favorites for our Literary Award we will be presenting each month beginning in August. Let’s examine all the things he did correctly from a technical standpoint:
Begin With A Brilliant Title: Sadly, many of his less-skilled fellow journalists can’t seem to use “Packers” and “Playoffs” in the same sentence these days. But here, Mr. Ledbetter starts right out with a positive, forward looking statement that captures our imagination and causes us to want to read more.
Address a large audience: You might be asking why a writer for an Atlanta newspaper would pen an article about Green Bay. The answer is quite simple, actually. The Packers have more fans throughout the United States than any other NFL Team. And you don’t have to take my word for this. Just read the Harris Polls done each year in October that confirm this fact. The author understands this basic premise of journalism and has targeted his article to reach the largest audience possible.
Don’t Live In The Past: He spends only one sentence bringing the reader up to speed on what happened last year, the one that begins, “An injury-plagued 4-12 season.”
Why focus on the dead past when we can concentrate on the bright future instead...
Many of us have a short attention span anyway. Who was it that won the NFC North last year? I can’t seem to recall.
Include Opinions from Experts: The author asked for Steve Mariucci’s comments and put them near the top of the article. Mooch is an authority on the Packers for several key reasons. He was Quarterback Coach with Green Bay in the early years of Brett Favre’s career, and was instrumental in his development, for which Packer Fans will always be grateful. And later on, when Steve coached the 49ers and then the Lions, he got to observe Brett and the Packers up close as they regularly put a whup-ass on his teams.
I employed this same technique of interviewing experts when I co-authored a recent book about the publishing industry, THE MAKING OF A BESTSELLER. Since authors such as Dan Brown and Nicholas Sparks have sold millions of books and I haven’t, I concluded that readers were probably more interested in what authors like these had to say about the publishing industry, rather than 80,000 words about what I thought. It turned out to be a smart move on my part.
Put The Most Important Factor At The Top of Your List: Writer Ledbetter has a list of ten things necessary to propel the Packers to the playoffs, each expressed in a snappy, memorable way such as: “Put Bears in hibernation,” and “Rally around new regime.”
But, #1 on his list is THE RETURN OF FAVRE.
I would argue he could have concluded the article right there.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE FINAL SCORE
As you know, The Packers Literary Corner’s highest award in journalism is a
6-pack of Johnsonville Bratwurst and an autographed copy of the Green Bay Packer themed novel, OVER TIME.
For this fine work of sports journalism, Mr. D. Orlando Ledbetter receives:
4 ½ Brats, With Buns, and Gourmet Mustard
You can read it in its entirety at:
http://www.ajc.com/sports/content/sports/falcons/stories/0709nflinsider.html
Let me share the first part of the article with you:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How the Packers can make the playoffs
By D. Orlando Ledbetter
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Published on: 07/09/06
With Carolina, Seattle and Tampa Bay attracting early attention as the top teams in the NFC, Green Bay needs a few things to happen for them to become relevant again — the return of Brett Favre was central to any title aspirations. An injury-plagued 4-12 season led to the departure of Mike Sherman and the hiring of Mike McCarthy.
"I'm glad for Mike (McCarthy) that Brett is coming back," NFL Network analyst Steve Mariucci said. "They signed Charles Woodson. They lost some players, but anytime that you've got No. 4 taking snaps you're going to have a chance."
Here's a look at 10 things that must go right for the Green Bay Packers to reach the playoffs.
1. The return of Favre
(article continues)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Packers Literary Corner wishes to congratulate Mr. Ledbetter for all he accomplished in just these mere 128 words. If he keeps this kind of terrific writing going throughout the 2006 season, he will certainly be one of the favorites for our Literary Award we will be presenting each month beginning in August. Let’s examine all the things he did correctly from a technical standpoint:
Begin With A Brilliant Title: Sadly, many of his less-skilled fellow journalists can’t seem to use “Packers” and “Playoffs” in the same sentence these days. But here, Mr. Ledbetter starts right out with a positive, forward looking statement that captures our imagination and causes us to want to read more.
Address a large audience: You might be asking why a writer for an Atlanta newspaper would pen an article about Green Bay. The answer is quite simple, actually. The Packers have more fans throughout the United States than any other NFL Team. And you don’t have to take my word for this. Just read the Harris Polls done each year in October that confirm this fact. The author understands this basic premise of journalism and has targeted his article to reach the largest audience possible.
Don’t Live In The Past: He spends only one sentence bringing the reader up to speed on what happened last year, the one that begins, “An injury-plagued 4-12 season.”
Why focus on the dead past when we can concentrate on the bright future instead...
Many of us have a short attention span anyway. Who was it that won the NFC North last year? I can’t seem to recall.
Include Opinions from Experts: The author asked for Steve Mariucci’s comments and put them near the top of the article. Mooch is an authority on the Packers for several key reasons. He was Quarterback Coach with Green Bay in the early years of Brett Favre’s career, and was instrumental in his development, for which Packer Fans will always be grateful. And later on, when Steve coached the 49ers and then the Lions, he got to observe Brett and the Packers up close as they regularly put a whup-ass on his teams.
I employed this same technique of interviewing experts when I co-authored a recent book about the publishing industry, THE MAKING OF A BESTSELLER. Since authors such as Dan Brown and Nicholas Sparks have sold millions of books and I haven’t, I concluded that readers were probably more interested in what authors like these had to say about the publishing industry, rather than 80,000 words about what I thought. It turned out to be a smart move on my part.
Put The Most Important Factor At The Top of Your List: Writer Ledbetter has a list of ten things necessary to propel the Packers to the playoffs, each expressed in a snappy, memorable way such as: “Put Bears in hibernation,” and “Rally around new regime.”
But, #1 on his list is THE RETURN OF FAVRE.
I would argue he could have concluded the article right there.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE FINAL SCORE
As you know, The Packers Literary Corner’s highest award in journalism is a
6-pack of Johnsonville Bratwurst and an autographed copy of the Green Bay Packer themed novel, OVER TIME.
For this fine work of sports journalism, Mr. D. Orlando Ledbetter receives:
4 ½ Brats, With Buns, and Gourmet Mustard
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